#1
Well this is what I've been working on but I have has a bit of writers block. This is one of the first songs I've written that isn't a story song but here's what I've got so far. Lemme know what you think...


As the sun set and blackness rose
The crimson gate lay open
As souls flow through in agony
They beheld Hell’s flaming ocean

Through the flaming gate they go
They pray to God with no avail
Tortured souls scream for salvation
Yet for their sins they rot in Hell
#2
my only complaint here would be that the diction is basically the same as all other pieces on this subject. i think to be able to write a good piece on this subject you need to try hard to think of somethign that hasn't been said before, or if you are going to say somethign similar say it in a way that no has done yet.
this is a nice start, i just think it needs a little creative re construction.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=613965
here is mine if you have time
#3
Not too shabby
Quote by hrdcorelaxplaya
fill it with used condoms and a note that says

"Last night was amazing. I love you.

-Kurt"
#5
The crimson gate lay open Either put gates lay open, or gate lays open.

And that is all I found wrong with it. Its got some strong images in there. Good job.
i look down at my hands,
like they were mirrors.