#1
This is a Christian Song just to let you know. So here it is.


Verse1

God it's me again
Just been Wondering'
Where you been
Cause I can't see you in my life
I'm tired of losin' this fight
Just wanna make it all right


Chorus

Because I'm lost
Lost again
And I'm strugglin'
Now I'm sinking in sin
Because it’s hard to see you
Your light won't shine through
The pain and tears.
Lord hear my cry for mercy,
As I call on you for help.

Verse 2

The guilt has overwhelmed me
It's becoming hard to see
Just where you fit in
My sins won't let go
I just want to know
That your there.

Chorus

Because I'm lost
Lost again
And I'm strugglin'
Now I'm sinking in sin
Because it’s hard to see you
Your light won't shine through
The pain and tears.
Lord hear my cry for mercy,
As I call on you for help.

Ending

Praise the Lord, for he has heard
My cry for mercy
The Lord is my Strength
And my Shield
Praise the Lord he has heard
My Cry For Mercy..........
#3
Overall, I like it. I like that it addresses the dark night of the soul that so many Christian musicians seem afraid to examine. It's nice to see Christian lyrics that don't sound like the soundtrack for Heaven High's cheerleading competition routine. I want you to think about how many times the word sin appears. With it in both the chorus and the 2nd verse, it's in three consecutive sections. See if you can find an image for the 2nd verse that conveys the same message without beating the listener over the head with one word. The end section seems to me a rather abrupt mood change, almost like it's part of another song. The end section would sound great set as part of a classical piece, a mass maybe (the mass being the provervial baby thrown out with the bathwater in the break with Rome). To my ears, something about picking oneself back up and placing one's trust in god again would flow better than an abrupt transition to praise. Or were you intending to show that instrumentally? That would be an interesting choice and very powerful if executed well.
#5
Not my sort of thing since I'm not religious. It works pretty well for what it is, I have a feeling my Christian rock friends would like this. One thing that stood out is it has an attitude of "God makes my life better," not "Not having God in your life makes it horrible," which is the problem I have with a lot of Christian lyrics. So bonus points for that. Good job.

Thanks for the crit.
#7
As requested, here goes


Quote by Jarrod316
This is a Christian Song just to let you know. So here it is.


Verse1

God it's me again
Just been Wondering
Where you been <-- Should this be "Where have you been?"
Cause I can't see you in my life
I'm tired of losin' this fight
Just wanna make it all right Maybe put an "I" at the start of this, cause then both lines start with something diretly about you, and i think it helps the song. It is an extra syllable though, so you might have to sing the first few abit faster to make it fit, but in my head, it works better this way.

With the melody im using in my head, this works quite nicely and is a solid start to your song.

Chorus

Because I'm lost
Lost again Maybe "Im lost again" would be better than jsut "lost again"?
And I'm strugglin'
Now I'm sinking in sin
Because it’s hard to see you
Your light won't shine through
The pain and tears.
Lord hear my cry for mercy,
As I call on you for help.

Good catchy chorus, like it.

Verse 2

The guilt has overwhelmed me
It's becoming hard to see
Just where you fit in
My sins won't let go
I just want to know
That your there.
Again this is good, wouldn't change owlt. I would like to add something though. Maybe have a backing singer sing the last two lines of the first verse after you sing 'there'. Basically hold the there sound and let them sing underneath. I think this would tie the song up more as it leads you back into the chorus nicely. If none of your other band members can sing, just have them talk it fast (does not mean rap). Listen to Too Late for Roses by August Burns Red, their singer switches between screaming and talking abit (good example about 17 secs to 26 secs in the song!) and might give you an idea of what i mean.

Chorus

Because I'm lost
Lost again
And I'm strugglin'
Now I'm sinking in sin
Because it’s hard to see you
Your light won't shine through
The pain and tears.
Lord hear my cry for mercy,
As I call on you for help.

Ending

Praise the Lord, for he has heard
My cry for mercy
The Lord is my Strength
And my Shield
Praise the Lord he has heard
My Cry For Mercy..........

Seems very different. Throughout the song your asking for god to respond, and here he has heard. Is there a change in the music here to more happy tone, possible a guitar solo before this part which shows a change in mood towards being happier etc. Otherwise it doesnt seem to fit.



Overall this is pretty good. id still like to know what genre this is for, how it will be sung and a rough guide to the music below it. Solid song none the less though.
Quote by the bartender
^ this man knows his stuff.
#8
I like the idea, and it is a change from the usual "Praise the LORD" repeated constantly, and takes on a different side of the Christian life that isn't talked about too much. The 4th line of the first verse feels a little too long, maybe removing "cause" would help, but its tough to imagine what rhythm the writer is thinking of for the song on here. The chorus is good, singing it to my self, i think the verses would sound nice acoustic, and then go to more of a rock sound for the chorus. Only thing i see is too possibly add "i'm lost again" instead of just "lost again" The second verse is good, but it doesnt match the rhyme scheme of the first, but it still sounds ok. I'll go along with what queen said about using an instrumental to show that God has answered your prayers, And that would make a really good ending.
#9
Its good, But not my thing at all
I found it to be a tad bit cheesy and predictable
Its good though just not my cup of tea
#11
that was by far the best christian rock lyrics i read. it flowed really nice, you didnt force anything. im curious as to what kind of music you had for it though, something acoustic maybe? if you ever record guitar for it, i would love to hear it.

the end seemed a little bit to much of a change in mood, but as previously mentioned, you could use a guitar solo to change the mood of the song.

if you want to crit mine, its "dark moon"

and lastly, i enjoyed the christian theme invlovled.m not in that faith, but that doesnt mean that believing in something is bad.
futball season and football season.
#14
not my style, but pretty good. i finally started believing again but this time in the wiccan gods. praised be your penman skills
#19
Quote by Jarrod316
This is a Christian Song just to let you know. So here it is.


Verse1

God it's me again
Just been Wondering'
Where you been
Cause I can't see you in my life
I'm tired of losin' this fight
Just wanna make it all right

Hmm, sounds mysterious, as if you may be struggling with something emotionally


Chorus

Because I'm lost
Lost again
And I'm strugglin'
Now I'm sinking in sin
Because it’s hard to see you
Your light won't shine through
The pain and tears.
Lord hear my cry for mercy,
As I call on you for help.

I love the part "Because I'm lost, lost again", and also "And im strugglin, now im sinkin in sin" but strugglin sounds too long of a word.. but i dont know maybe its how im imagining the vocals. The rest of it sounds pretty tight

Verse 2

The guilt has overwhelmed me
It's becoming hard to see
Just where you fit in
My sins won't let go
I just want to know
That your there.

Im feelin that first 2 lines, the last two really tie the whole verse together, kinda like "it would really humble me to know that i can count on you", i really get the message

Chorus

Because I'm lost
Lost again
And I'm strugglin'
Now I'm sinking in sin
Because it’s hard to see you
Your light won't shine through
The pain and tears.
Lord hear my cry for mercy,
As I call on you for help.

Ending

Praise the Lord, for he has heard
My cry for mercy
The Lord is my Strength
And my Shield
Praise the Lord he has heard
My Cry For Mercy..........




Nicely done, I love christian lyrics and this is definetly worth the read.
Doesn't sound like a Creed rip off at all.

Kudos (don't change too much of it)
Marijuana is the spice of life.

I Force Choke my penis when I masturbate.

8)-~
#22
Flows very nicely. I also like your idea for an acoustic intro and rock middle and ending. Reminds me of Stairway to Heaven. I think this song's a keeper.
SAVE THE JAZZ

"Remember, there are two kinds of people in the world:
People who finish things, and"
#24
i like it a lot. great meaning to it, it really hits home for me because im a pretty strong Christian and i've def had those times in my life. i didnt really notice at first, but when i read the other comments, i agree when they say its cool that you said having God in your life makes it better, rather than not having it makes it worse. which i think they go hand in hand, but that way sounds more positive. great work. thanks for the crit
#25
i really like it it pretty much explains how im feeling right now and its great that people can relate im not much into Christian music but this sounds great nice work o and sorry for the late crit i was on vacation
ED REED BABY
#26
Pretty good. Definantly sorta a darker side almost being revealed. The only thing I was left wondering is what he did to show you he heard your distress call, and reclaimed the worthiness of your praise.
speeed killz
#27
I thought this song was really powerful with it being a christian song and everything i think it was very well written and there are no changes i would make that i can see