#1
i've been writing my own stuff for the past year now, have been recording it acoustically at my house. i'm recording four or five songs with my friend next week as acoustic demos, everyone i've showed this song digs it, but there are some parts that need tweaking and I'm a bit stuck. this one's very heavily influenced by Neutral Milk Hotel and Death Cab For Cutie, two very different bands, but I listen to alot of very different things.

i have a few more songs i'll post if this gets feedback.

(verse 1)
Lacking substance and without color
It needs work, and I’m a sucker, and I'll do it
free of charge
Throbbing veins and worn out lyrics
The tip of the tongue is an iceberg I won’t touch
We're all smarter than the Titanic

(pre-chorus1)
She shaves her head to prove points
They make passing glances
Take things the wrong way until you’re blue in the face
And until you’ve used third and fourth chances

(chorus 1)
But god this is wrong, oh how I bend myself for answers
To questions that don’t really matter
How vain it is to be hanging on
To every verb that’s uttered

(verse 1)
The bathroom walls are white and yellow
A perfect soundtrack to the eyes
And if I made sure everyone knew where I’ve been
I’d be speaking through trumpets all day

(pre-chorus 1)
Found face down on the edge of the sidewalk
They can never remember anything at all
So I’ll just stick with forgiving and forgetting
It’s working out well

(Chorus2)
But god this is wrong, oh how I bend myself for answers
To questions that don’t really matter at all
How vain it is to be angered
When we’ve got such a short time

(post-chorus thing)
And this is where we wept
And reminisced while most others slept
And hurried our fingers through rotten cores
Hoping we weren't losing our faith

I'm looking to add another one of these here, but it might need only one. again, I need some constructive criticism on it, but "you suck/die" wouldn't help much.

by the way, right now I'm calling it "substance + color", but i'm not sure if i'll keep that title.
#2
Damn... this is good.

Repost it correctly, and I will crit it for you.

Read the rules.

Song name only in title.

Sorry man.

*reported*

I feel like such a dick right now
O! music: Click (Youtube)


^ Click to see an acoustic arrangement of Ke$ha's 'Your Love is my Drug' - everyone's favourite song.