#1
Answering machine
hello its me again
Kara wont talk to me
so give her this message im trying to send
im getting very sick
they dont know whats wrong with me
but i do, oh i do

(Chrous)
Theres a sickness in my heart
and you are my antidote the cure i need
to keep my heart from breaking
so please dont walk away
cuz i dont wanna die today
come back home to me
come back home to me
come back home to me

Your what i need to make it through
i cant believe what i did to you
did to you
did to you
please come back to me
cuz without you
i cant sleep, i cant eat, i cant see, i cant breathe, i cant...

(Chrous)
Theres a sickness in my heart
and you are my antidote the cure i need
to keep my heart from breaking
so please dont walk away
cuz i dont wanna die today
come back home to me
come back home to me
come back home to me

Its not that i dont wanna be alone
its just, i dont wanna be with out you
so baby come back to me
cuz i dont wanna die today
i dont wanna die today

(Chrous)
Theres a sickness in my heart
and you are my antidote the cure i need
to keep my heart from breaking
so please dont walk away
cuz i dont wanna die today
come back home to me
come back home to me
come back home to me

I did what i did
i said what i sad
i cant take it back now
cuz its all in the past
im sorry i hurt you
im sorry i let you down
i cant see past this shell
that you created around me
I cant climb this wall that you put between us
(Chrous)
Theres a sickness in my heart
and you are my antidote the cure i need
to keep my heart from breaking
so please dont walk away
cuz i dont wanna die today
come back home to me
come back home to me
come back home to me
Last edited by Xtremelylow at Jul 4, 2007,
#2
This is really beautiful. You have a hell of a lot of grammatical, and spelling errors though.

Answering Machin?

Giver her this message?

Basic spelling.

But I love the rawness about it, the emotion just leaps out at you.

Really good job. I wouldn't change much at all.

Crit mine? Untitled. First page somewhere
O! music: Click (Youtube)


^ Click to see an acoustic arrangement of Ke$ha's 'Your Love is my Drug' - everyone's favourite song.
#4
I feel like I've read this before, and that's my biggest problem with it. It's emotionally raw, which is good, but you can be raw and at the same time introduce something not normally heard in a song. the use of her name is pretty cool, but I dunno, it just seems extremely raw and unpolished. With work though, you could make this into a really great thing.

Crit mine?
"substance + color" on the front page.
#5
The way you have written gives the impression that you aren't that dumb at all.

Don't be putting yourself down. It is good.
O! music: Click (Youtube)


^ Click to see an acoustic arrangement of Ke$ha's 'Your Love is my Drug' - everyone's favourite song.
#6
yea its competely raw. I havent made one change to it yet. i think i can find some better words to use, and what not. I know im not dumb i was just kiddin. Ive been trying for a week to try to put some music to it, i can do it in my head but on my axe, no way. but i will get some riffs for it sooner or later.
#7
It is weird. i have been working for like 2 months to try and find a melody for one of my songs, but i wrote a new one yesterday [the one you critted], and I had the entire guitar part within 10 minutes or so.

some things are just impossible to sing to. Good luck though.
O! music: Click (Youtube)


^ Click to see an acoustic arrangement of Ke$ha's 'Your Love is my Drug' - everyone's favourite song.