#1
Lying in bed
Peering through the dark
Listening to the world sleep
As I fall apart

Thinking of life
While gazing on death
Life is for the living
So please just let me rest

With stolen hopes
And broken dreams
I search for the answer
Beneath my frozen screams

...
I, am lying alone with my every fear
and I, keep on pretending I'm not here
There's nowhere more for my soul to go
I can't bear this burden anymore
...

Breathing in
The air is stale
My chest is cold
My senses, pale

I turn to the right
Searching for a face
But all I find is emptiness
All I see is space

Closing my eyes
The gray turns to black
Thoughts of my mistakes return
Fear for what I lack

...
I, am lying alone with my every fear
and I, keep on pretending I'm not here
There's nowhere more for my soul to go
I can't bear this burden anymore
...

I exhale
Try to make the demons leave
But they hide way down inside
Waiting for my sleep
#3
Quote by danny0291
Lying in bed
Peering through the dark
Listening to the world sleep
As I fall apart

A good opener...

Thinking of life
While gazing on death
Life is for the living
So please just let me rest

Strong message, and good use of words...

With stolen hopes
And broken dreams
I search for the answer
Beneath my frozen screams

Also very nice, you could try changing the bottom line to perhaps just "Beneath frozen screams", to make the flow keep at one pace...

...
I, am lying alone with my every fear
and I, keep on pretending I'm not here
There's nowhere more for my soul to go
I can't bear this burden anymore
...

Good use of vocabulary makes this chorus shine...

Breathing in
The air is stale
My chest is cold
My senses, pale

Possibly my favorite verse in the song...


I turn to the right
Searching for a face
But all I find is emptiness
All I see is space

The right use of wording and rhyming makes your message come out...

Closing my eyes
The gray turns to black
Thoughts of my mistakes return
Fear for what I lack

Final line doesn't really flow too well, everything else seems fine...

...
I, am lying alone with my every fear
and I, keep on pretending I'm not here
There's nowhere more for my soul to go
I can't bear this burden anymore
...

I exhale
Try to make the demons leave
But they hide way down inside
Waiting for my sleep

Not much flow here, a bit of a lackluster ending.



Very nice lyrics, the use of wording and flow makes your 'tale' come out loud and clear.

My only problem is that, it's very linear, and it feels like each verse is repeating the same thing over and over again. In one of the verses you say...

'With stolen hopes
And broken dreams'


You never really explain what those stolen hopes and broken dreams were.


Other than that, great work and will be looking into more of your pieces.

::type
IRON MAIDEN
7 Feb 2008, Melbourne, Australia
23 Feb 2011, Melbourne, Australia
4 Mar 2011, Melbourne, Australia
------------------------------------------------------------
YouTube