#1
Sorry about first post. My computer only loaded the first part, which didn't really talk about the rules, so I figured I was good to go. And do the closed threads eventually get deleted (or do I have to do it?) Because forums getting flooded is usually an issue.

"Stage Symphony"

Theatre seems more real, than "real life" seems to be.
Reality seems to kneel before the stage.
The drama we produce, creates a "movie-like" effect,
With "movie-like" music, that echoes in our cage.

We sing softly, with our feet tapping the floor.
We sing sadly, "none of it matters anymore."

Happiness comes, when your heart and mind are in perfect harmony.
Though, being content seems to leave no room for growth.
The music in our cage is a "movie-like" symphony
So maybe struggle will benefit us both.

And on and on…the orchestra plays.

They play loudly, with their feet tapping the floor.
They play hopefully, but none of it matters anymore.

And we sing lively, while everyone's dancing on the floor.
We sing joyfully, "our cage doesn't hold us anymore".

And on and on…the orchestra plays
#2
I like this a lot. It put you in there easily.

We sing softly, with our feet tapping the floor.
We sing sadly, "none of it matters anymore."

That part is my favorite. I don't know why or how but it reminds me of T.S. Eliot. Don't know. Bottom line AWESOME.

#3
Quote by CoheedHero
Sorry about first post. My computer only loaded the first part, which didn't really talk about the rules, so I figured I was good to go. And do the closed threads eventually get deleted (or do I have to do it?) Because forums getting flooded is usually an issue.

"Stage Symphony"

Theatre seems more real, than "real life" seems to be.
Reality seems to kneel before the stage.
The drama we produce, creates a "movie-like" effect,
With "movie-like" music, that echoes in our cage.
Reality and your use of movies as a metaphor is an excellent opening start. Great first verse.

We sing softly, with our feet tapping the floor.
We sing sadly, "none of it matters anymore."

Awesome pre-chorus, and lead-in. I love it.

Happiness comes, when your heart and mind are in perfect harmony.
Though, being content seems to leave no room for growth.
The music in our cage is a "movie-like" symphony
So maybe struggle will benefit us both.
The last line could have been great for repition. I don't know your exact rythym for the song, but would "So maybe a movie-like struggle will benefit us both" work?

And on and on…the orchestra plays.

Love this part.
They play loudly, with their feet tapping the floor.
They play hopefully, but none of it matters anymore.
"hopefully" doesn't quite fit. "They play carelessly, because none of it matters anymore"?

And we sing lively, while everyone's dancing on the floor.
We sing joyfully, "our cage doesn't hold us anymore".
"Dancing on the floor" ruins it a bit, haha. You went from a Mars Volta song to a Panic! At The Disco song in one line. The second line though, amazing.
And on and on…the orchestra plays


All in all, I love these lyrics, except for that one line (if you fix that this song is amazing), and I'd like to hear what it sounds like with the edits I made, though you could make your own.

Also, crit mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=621909
Guitars - Epiphone Les Paul Standard (Cherry Sunburst)/Alvarez Acoustic/Electric cutaway
Amp - Vox Valvetronix AD30VT 30W
Effects - Boss OS2/Boss DD6 Digital Delay/Digitech RP50

lost city radio. (acoustic)

Songs
Substance and Color
#4
thanks for the advice. i will definately take it. i used the "everyone's dancing on the floor" line, because the characters are free from their cages and are celebrating. i thought it fit. i'll probably revise though. thanks again.
#5
Thats a pretty nice piece you have here. Very descriptive and I just like the entire theme in general. The flow could use some improvement though but overall good job, I'd give it an 8/10. Keep it up!

And thanks for the comment on mine