#1
I went out on a date last night with the most beautiful girl. I had reserved a table on a nice restaurant, and ordered a bottle of wine. The soft, warm light from the candles danced in her eyes.

"I Hope you'll enjoy the wine", I said, "It's a fine 2004 Bordeaux."

"You got some wine on your shirt", she replied, and was already warmed up and ready for some action. "Maybe we should go to your place so you can take that shirt off and slip into something more comfortable?". She smiled her beautiful smile.She was irresistible, but I was afraid to stand up and reveal my enormous erection.

"LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE", I shouted. There was no wine on my shirt. "Why would you lie to me, you evil woman?"

She was silent now. After thinking about my question for a few seconds, she stood up from her chair. "You're an idiot", she said. "At least I'm not a lying collection of tits!", I replied.

She kicked me in the balls, bringing me to the floor in a matter of milliseconds. She kicked me in the balls again. "If you don't stop kicking me, I'll bite your tits off and wear them as a hat!", I shouted at the furious woman.

She disappeared into the night, and after getting help from medical personnel, I ordered a taxi home. I noticed that when she attacked me, I spilled some wine on my shirt.

How do I wash wine off a white shirt?
Quote by p o e
lmfao man thats so sick and depraved and yet funny all at once

my hats off to you IbanezSA160, you have embodied the Pit into one little poem
#3
Tonight I kill your fucking face.
I killed your face.


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#4
ELL O ELL

good one
v CLICK v



Quote by musicjunkie207
The time I fell on my face on a trampoline and cracked my neck, then proceded to run around the yard in a blind panic screaming "I hope I'm not paralyzed! OH GOD I THINK I'M PARALYZED!"
#6
Pics or it didnt happen.
Member of the 'Dr.Cox is my Mentor' group

Quote by Miggy01
I was kicking a balloon around, and kicked the back of my other foot.
I broke my toe as a result.
#8
Quote by Scrubs

Yes, of course! Thanks, man. Much appreciated. God, I hate their commercials.
Quote by p o e
lmfao man thats so sick and depraved and yet funny all at once

my hats off to you IbanezSA160, you have embodied the Pit into one little poem
#10
Also, I just read the post in detail... is being hit in the groin more or less painful when you have a stiffy?
#11
Quote by IbanezSA160
She kicked me in the balls, bringing me to the floor in a matter of milliseconds.

Well, you got some action though..
#12
dude, why? You could have said something like, "No, it is fine. Let us enjoy the meal. Why bother leaving now, when we will eventually get it off."
Me-You're a fucking retard
retard-DURRRRRRRR!
Me-So you agree?
retard-DURRRRRRRR!
#13
Quote by idkmybffjill123
did you make this up?


isn't it obvious?

funny as hell btw, 'Why would you lie to me, you evil woman?'
#15
Quote by MightyAl
Also, I just read the post in detail... is being hit in the groin more or less painful when you have a stiffy?

There was more pain in the penis, but the pain in the balls was average. So I guess it was due to more pain in penis.
Quote by p o e
lmfao man thats so sick and depraved and yet funny all at once

my hats off to you IbanezSA160, you have embodied the Pit into one little poem
#16
um were there some mushrooms in your meal or something because that was kind of ridiculous
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#20
At least I'm not a lying collection of tits

If you don't stop kicking me, I'll bite your tits off and wear them as a hat


That was hilarious!!
Trust me I'm a doctor

A doctor with a mustache