#1
its much more interesting to listen along, so click the link in my sig if you want to hear how it sounds. i'd really like opinions on both the lyrics and the actual song, but either is fine. c4c if you leave a link.


i can't take the risk so darling i wont ask
exactly what you store inside yourself
speak with your eyes because your voice makes me shake
and besides i like feeling...
like we're the only ones
with our own language

so could you talk to me?
could you talk to me, please?
if you don't ask questions then i won't have to lie
just know that i'd do anything to keep this alive

you took the blame and maybe i can't handle
that secretly i am just as guilty
we're not happy but at least we're not alone
and besides i like sleeping
when i'm covered in your security blanket

so could you talk to me?
could you talk to me, please?
if you don't ask questions then i won't have to lie
just know that i'd do anything to keep this alive

just know that i'd do anything to keep us alive...
or at least a lie
#2
man, talk about touching the heart. I really liked this the whole way through, the only thing I fell insecure about was the security blanket, but thats only personally I guess. But everything else hit me, and hit me hard. These two lines I felt especially in the soul:

"we're not happy but at least we're not alone"

and

"if you don't ask questions then i won't have to lie"


oh and the ending was great, I like the play with words, I guess thats what it would be called. "alive" "a lie" that was pretty cool. Overall, great write, and thanks for the crit on mine.
anybody wanna put anything here just let me know
#3
Quote by anOnyMouSanIe
its much more interesting to listen along, so click the link in my sig if you want to hear how it sounds. i'd really like opinions on both the lyrics and the actual song, but either is fine. c4c if you leave a link.


i can't take the risk so darling i wont ask
exactly what you store inside yourself
speak with your eyes because your voice makes me shake
and besides i like feeling...
like we're the only ones
with our own language

I like the first part because it sets up the rest of the song quite nicely. The first two lines are awesome and probably near-perfect. I like it all except the last line, "with our own language". I can see why you added it and it makes sense but, to me, it kind of made it flow a little less. Still, overall, great job.

so could you talk to me?
could you talk to me, please?
if you don't ask questions then i won't have to lie
just know that i'd do anything to keep this alive

This part is really well-done. I can't say it needs any changing.

you took the blame and maybe i can't handle
that secretly i am just as guilty
we're not happy but at least we're not alone
and besides i like sleeping
when i'm covered in your security blanket

Nice job here as well. The only thing I didn't like was "When I'm covered in your security blanket". I think you could phrase that better, it seems a little out of place.

so could you talk to me?
could you talk to me, please?
if you don't ask questions then i won't have to lie
just know that i'd do anything to keep this alive

just know that i'd do anything to keep us alive...
or at least a lie


Overall, I really enjoyed reading this. It's very meaningful and interesting. There are only two lines I thought sounded a little iffy, but other than that, it's definitely some quality writing.

And also thank you for criting mine.
#4
Quote by anOnyMouSanIe

i can't take the risk so darling i wont ask
exactly what you store inside yourself
speak with your eyes because your voice makes me shake
and besides i like feeling...
like we're the only ones
with our own language

If I remeber some of your peices from previous critiques I have done for you, they're usually pretty well written, so lets get to it. I like how you start this song off, first of all. I don' think "darling" fits well in the first line though. I can't really figure out the flow in the last little bit, but I'll check out the actual recorded verison and it'll make sense to me. I like the whole "our language" concept, seems creative and original to me.

so could you talk to me?
could you talk to me, please?
if you don't ask questions then i won't have to lie
just know that i'd do anything to keep this alive

Good start, I don't like the "please" in the second line, it doesn't fit well with me, but whatever. Third line seems cliched and overused, but I do like the wya you end it. A decent chorus for the most part.

you took the blame and maybe i can't handle
that secretly i am just as guilty
we're not happy but at least we're not alone
and besides i like sleeping
when i'm covered in your security blanket

This seems overall, weak. I don't like it that much, it seems really simple, unimaginative and bland.

so could you talk to me?
could you talk to me, please?
if you don't ask questions then i won't have to lie
just know that i'd do anything to keep this alive

just know that i'd do anything to keep us alive...
or at least a lie


Alright, it's fine, I've definitely seen better from you, and this isn't one of the best at all. Maybe make it a little longer, change a few words aorund, you know, all that crap. 6.5/10. Thanks for doing mine.
If The Archers Bows Have Broken, Then I Hope To God They Know How To Fight.