#1
Hmmmmmmm, who knows. Who really knows?

Scatter Plots and Tangent Time Lines

I've been speaking to the 1970's lately.
Conversations with umbrage dresses,
prints on linen that circle around and
dot each stitch with miles of soft
patched quilts. I sleep inside her
gowns and I am hung like a bug from
the web of a spider;
her silk lace and
my insect legs.

Chalky eyes now.

She's a shipwrecked siren from the early sixties,
dancing those tiles as if her legs
were polarized from the floor.
I heard someone call out, "Ghost! Ghost! She's
floating like a Ghoul!" He was consumed
and he lay dead on the floor. Eyes wide
and mouth gaping like a crater. It was after
where she picked me apart.
Piece x Piece.

Chalky lips now.

Underground; she fed on my children, she crawled
through the rabbit holes, and the snake pits
and found were I hide, she found my thoughts.
I was no longer connected to my spine, and
my insides were now being pulled out like
pages from a old western classic. The dust
settles, the clouds part, and we're standing,
pistols ready and the clock striking noon.
The only thing between us now are forty
feet of sand, a tumbleweed, and more
slurred vowels than I'd
bother to count.

Chalky scatter plots and time lines.
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Last edited by Something_Vague at Jul 8, 2007,
#4
I must say, I love the title, especially the latter part of the title, "Tangent Time Lines" pretty damn cool. Unto the piece, it was a cool read. Made me think, made me wander, made me wonder. The only thing it lacked, and I believe this to be a personal affair, is that I really didn't feel no emotion from it. I mean I was amazed by what you said, how you said it, but like, I wasn't emotionally touched by the poem itself. I like things that can do that, that is in no way a shot at you or this write, that is the only thing that I could find a little wrong with the piece. It was still a good write, great actually. Your very well unique. Overall, kick ass.
anybody wanna put anything here just let me know
#5
that was simply beautiful
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#7
i really enjoyed that. i loved how you kept the metaphor alive the whole thing. it did make me wonder as well, but again, i wasnt really feeling the emotion so much.

one thing i would change is the "peice x peice"

i didnt really get that?

c4c- "dark moon"
futball season and football season.
#8
The imagery is amazing in this piece, I feel myself traveling through each scene and I love it. The diction is great too, flow as well, but nothing really resonates with me in the piece, maybe because I don't fully understand it, but that's what I found. Great writing though.
Drop another coin in the slot, and I will tell you more...
#10
Quote by MLmaster37
i really enjoyed that. i loved how you kept the metaphor alive the whole thing. it did make me wonder as well, but again, i wasnt really feeling the emotion so much.

one thing i would change is the "peice x peice"

i didnt really get that?

c4c- "dark moon"



I understood it to be piece by piece, as in the room was 10 metres x 10 metres.

That's just me anyway.

I liked it very much, but as other people have said , I just didn't think it was as emotional as your other work.
There is poetry in despair.