#1
Ronda, the lovely anaconda


4.14 and still at school,
my eyes are starting to get red and wet,
in past days it has only led me to whys ? (plural of why ?)
I'm not even wise but it still makes me thin

I don't know what to say
I don't know what to do
I'm just missing you


She opens her mouth and starts to talk,
but her tongue doesn't wants me to walk
I should call her Ronda,
'coz she sneaks around like an anaconda


I look at her lips while they quickly move,
it doesn't wants to make groove
I want to leave but there's no to escape,
leaves fall down and clocks freeze while Ronda talks
It all seems like an eternity, but that's not even reality,
but that's not even reality.

I don't know what to say
I don't know what to do
I'm just missing you


She opens her mouth and starts to talk,
but her tongue doesn't wants me to walk
I should call her Ronda,
'coz she sneaks around like an anaconda
The leaves fall down and the clocks freeze while my friend Ronda talks



Hope you enjoy it it took quite a while.
Please crit it, and I'll crit yours too.
I wrote this song while i was at school, I was very fed up of school and some girls.

EDIT:Ok I added a bridge, made it flow better with my rythm i'll try to record everything at this week and finish it as soon as i do that I'll post it.
Looking for a new sig!
Last edited by samerika at Jul 9, 2007,
#2
Interesting... I like it, however the line "'coz she sneaks around like an anacondas bait" does not seem to go with the title. If SHE is the Anaconda, how is she also the Anaconda's bait?
#3
Good point !
thanks, I'll change it


EDIT: better now ?
if not give the song a new name
Looking for a new sig!
Last edited by samerika at Jul 8, 2007,
#4
I like it a lot, very good detail, but on the first two lines:

It's 4.14 and I'm still at school,
my eyes are starting to get red and wet,

Why don't you change it to this?:

4:14 and still at school,
my eyes are sore from my wet wet tears,


I dunno..just giving a little crit.
Get off my lawn.
#5
Quote by HawkaLuigi
I like it a lot, very good detail, but on the first two lines:

It's 4.14 and I'm still at school,
my eyes are starting to get red and wet,

Why don't you change it to this?:

4:14 and still at school,
my eyes are sore from my wet wet tears,


I dunno..just giving a little crit.


Yeah thing is that I made a little description of me, and I my eyes get red and a bit wet, when im tired and bored as hell of something.
But thanks for the crit.
Although i will change the 4:14 part
Looking for a new sig!
#6
its pretty good,very expressive and very interesting to say the least.

however tho you should change this line

'coz she sneaks around like an anacondas bait

to

Cause she sneaks around like an anaconda

i know it no longer rhymes,but it could also change

i should call her ronda my mate

to maybe

i should call her ronda

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=623770