#1
This is my first attempt at writing lyrics to some of my music. I think it turned out fairly decent but i would appreciate any feedback on vocal quality and as well on the lyrics themselves....It is not a complete recording yet and some parts dont have vocals..but its a start.

Eternally cold

Oh pitiful creator
who cast down
the plague of the ages
lives in black

May the heart of man remain forevermore
eternally cold

forevermore

The stars
dormant in the night sky
have seen centuries come and go
species wipe themselves clean from the face of the earth
yet the truth remains....

May the heart of man remain forevermore
eternally cold

Oh yeah, find the song at http://foreverburn.dmusic.com
Last edited by architekt at Jul 8, 2007,
#2
lyrically that isnt anything special, but it really compliments the music i was very impressed. you dont have to crit mine because this really isnt a crit. but your band is really good.

"dark moon" if you wanna crit
futball season and football season.
#4
Quote by architekt
This is my first attempt at writing lyrics to some of my music. I think it turned out fairly decent but i would appreciate any feedback on vocal quality and as well on the lyrics themselves....It is not a complete recording yet and some parts dont have vocals..but its a start.

Eternally cold

Oh pitiful creator
who cast down
the plague of the ages
lives in black

well done i like it

May the heart of man remain forevermore
eternally cold

i like it

forevermore

The stars
dormant in the night sky
have seen centuries come and go
species wipe themselves clean from the face of the earth
yet the truth remains....

wow i still like these lyrics

May the heart of man remain forevermore
eternally cold


Oh yeah, find the song at http://foreverburn.dmusic.com



i like the lyrics well done you rock and the song i can't really hear u sing the lyrics but the music hell yeah metal up the ass DEATH METAL !!!YOU MAKE ME PROUD
Last edited by Megtillica at Jul 8, 2007,
#5
"Eternally Cold"

Oh pitiful creator
who cast down
the plague of the ages
lives in black

Good start, sets the mood, but I'm a little confused with the last line. It doesn't seem to fit grammatically.

May the heart of man remain forevermore
eternally cold

"Forever more/ eternally" are the same thing, so that's kind of redundant. I would say "remain cold forevermore."

forevermore

The stars
dormant in the night sky
have seen centuries come and go
species wipe themselves clean from the face of the earth
yet the truth remains....

No problems here

May the heart of man remain forevermore
eternally cold

Same thing as above obviously.