#1
Im So Tired I Cant Sleep
And So Hungry I Cant Eat
I'm So Scene That I Am Lame
And So Different That I'm the Same

I Am Stupid And Immature
For Growing Down There Is No Cure

I'm So Shameless That It's Vain
I'm So Innocent That I Get Blamed
I Am The Most Honest Liar
You Will Ever Meet...I'm a Cold Fire..
I Need Some More Coal
I'm So Broken That I'm Whole..

I Am Stupid And Immature
For Growing Down There Is No Cure

erm I dunno what to call it..so I called it something random lol
please crit yo'
its not a song its just a poem..
Wenn die Nack einfällt
bedeckt sie die Welt
mit undurchdringlicher Dunkelheit.
Kälte steigt vom boden auf
und verpestet die Luft
plötzlich...
hat das Leben neue
Bedeutung


Burzum "Dunkelheit"
#4
^k well I might change them later

thx for the feedback guys
its my first song but I might keep writing
Wenn die Nack einfällt
bedeckt sie die Welt
mit undurchdringlicher Dunkelheit.
Kälte steigt vom boden auf
und verpestet die Luft
plötzlich...
hat das Leben neue
Bedeutung


Burzum "Dunkelheit"
Last edited by I_Collect_Picks at Jul 8, 2007,
#5
I really hate how you overuse "Im so" and refer to "i cant" or "i am" all the time

But other than that it kinda flows nicely, but its really grungy

Other than that i felt it didnt need much help apart from the "im so"
Marijuana is the spice of life.

I Force Choke my penis when I masturbate.

8)-~
#6
Quote by Raven*
I really hate how you overuse "Im so" and refer to "i cant" or "i am" all the time

But other than that it kinda flows nicely, but its really grungy

Other than that i felt it didnt need much help apart from the "im so"


thats the idea matie potatie
err yeah I kinda thought that too haha (about the "im so")
Wenn die Nack einfällt
bedeckt sie die Welt
mit undurchdringlicher Dunkelheit.
Kälte steigt vom boden auf
und verpestet die Luft
plötzlich...
hat das Leben neue
Bedeutung


Burzum "Dunkelheit"