#1
[v1]
I forgot how grey your days were
And for this mistake I’ll have to take the blame
Like pyramids on the back of dollar bills
It never made much sense to me, so I'll just stay the same

[v2]
It’s not exactly where I grew up
But it's where I did most of my growing
And the things that change the most, aren’t the places
But the people making adjustments into what they are today

[bridge]
So I guess it’s not the same
But that won’t stop me from trying to recreate

[chorus]
And even though we’re not the best of friends
Even you have to admit, that we did well for ourselves this time
And I’ve got two million reasons why I’d rather be somewhere else
But I'm content with state and I'm content with myself

[v3]
And I never really thought it up until now
But I’d rather have how things were back then
And every single day I get more and more restless
Staying up through the night and sleeping until four PM

[bridge2]
So I guess it’s not the same
But that won’t stop me from trying to recreate
And I’m running out of tape
To fix this fragile fabric again

[chorus]

as always, crit for crit. it's an acoustic song with some drums and a little bass in the background. kind of in the vein of copeland/the early november.
Guitars - Epiphone Les Paul Standard (Cherry Sunburst)/Alvarez Acoustic/Electric cutaway
Amp - Vox Valvetronix AD30VT 30W
Effects - Boss OS2/Boss DD6 Digital Delay/Digitech RP50

lost city radio. (acoustic)

Songs
Substance and Color
Last edited by paulblestde at Jul 10, 2007,
#2
I like it a lot. It does and I mean it speaks to me. Growing up in a small town kinda place there's always two million reasons you'd rather be somewhere else (Exspecially as a musician) but you always end up right where you are. Working at the pizza place this guy I knew from scouts back when I was had graduated and moved away to florida a few years back but ended up coming back to the pitiful place we call home. This may be the exact thing you convey but I get that from it. Thanks for posting and the crit on my song.
#4
[v1]
I forgot how grey your days were
And for this mistake I’ll have to take the blame
Like pyramids on the back of dollar bills
It never made much sense to me, so I'll just stay the same

Man this is good. Really really good. The simile is very original. And I just like the way it starts the whole song and sets the tone.

[v2]
It’s not exactly where I grew up
But it's where I did most of my growing
And the things that change the most, aren’t the places
But the people making adjustments into what they are today

This is good. It's hard for me to get the flow of it though. Like it doesn't follow the same pattern. But maybe I'm just hearing it wrong in my head.

[bridge]
So I guess it’s not the same
But that won’t stop me from trying to recreate


[chorus]
And even though we’re not the best of friends
Even you have to admit, that we did well for ourselves this time
And I’ve got two million reasons why I’d rather be in LA
But after thinking through it more, I know I’m content with this state

This is awesome. It's the perfect chorus.

[v3]
And I never really thought it up until now
But I’d rather have how things were back then
And every single day I get more and more restless
Staying up through the night and sleeping until four PM

This isn't as good as the first verse or the chorus but it's solid and works with the song well.

[bridge2]
So I guess it’s not the same
But that won’t stop me from trying to recreate
And I’m running out of tape
To fix this fragile fabric again

Overall, this is one of the better songs I've read in a while and I could really hear it playing in my head. Especially the chorus. My song's in my sig if you could crit it. Thanks.


My Guitars:
Fender Mustang.
Yamaha FG-413SL.
#6
great similes bro!, nice way to make me think about what you are saying,and relate

It’s not exactly where I grew up
But it's where I did most of my growing
And the things that change the most, aren’t the places
But the people making adjustments into what they are today

my favorite part, i love it
chorus is good,

overall a great song, great job
anyone else want to crit mine please
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=9916771#post9916771?
Call me Sean
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He's just trying to protect our innocence.


Yes i am
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Gear:
Schecter S1 Elite Black Cherry (Soapbar Neck, Invader Bridge)
Schecter Banshee
Orange Dual Terror
Boss CE-5
Goatkeeper
#7
thanks for the crit man. I also have a recording of this up on my myspace, it's real rough and it's before i changed the last line of the chorus.

www.myspace.com/lostcityradiode
Guitars - Epiphone Les Paul Standard (Cherry Sunburst)/Alvarez Acoustic/Electric cutaway
Amp - Vox Valvetronix AD30VT 30W
Effects - Boss OS2/Boss DD6 Digital Delay/Digitech RP50

lost city radio. (acoustic)

Songs
Substance and Color
#8
Ooh, this is the one to whose recording you linked me. I gave you a more full critique there, but vey nice. With a decent band backing this, it would be as good as half of what's on top-40 radio right now.
Death to Ovation haters!