#1
I know this place of no race,
of eunuchs and composted sex.
Here where the sun shines on
sorrowful days, where ultra
violence and sleeping sirens
rest easy with no vex.

Here where no heathens sing
of pretty things and bastards
are the slaves, where all single
thoughts or bargained hearts
look for simple praise
we call ourselves saved.

Here where music is an hallucinogen
and junkies reap the sound.
Where dirty corners of hotel rooms
are more comfortable than the bed.
And you look around and finally see
what you've been waiting for,
the white clouds wisp around your feet
beyond heaven's locked door.

They told us it would be so bright
but as the white clouds turn to grey
beauty's not in sight.
Until we look far below on
damnèd earth's decay,
where a dumpster sprouts a cherry tree
on a gorgeous cloudless day.
Last edited by jamminbass at Sep 13, 2007,
#5
the first stanza was hard to get my head around at first (p'raps because i have a headache), but it's very clever writing. i particularly liked "ultra violence and sleeping sirens". at the end, i would probably replace "easy" with "easily" or "peacefully". second stanza .. i'd have it as "Here. Where" - that could apply to the third stanza as well. and also put in a comma after "things". third .. i can't see anything i can moan about. although idk why there's an "è" in "locked". likewise in "damned". the ending is perfect. eh..i have no clue what this is about so i can't offer anything else. d'you mind looking at my piece? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=615261 thanks if you can.