Page 1 of 2
#1
I cut my lip while shaving because my dog had the bright idea to try to start humping my leg whilst i was razoring my upper lip. The razor slipped and cut my lip. And I'm about to go visit my girlfriend. It keeps opening up when I speak, smile or move my mouth. What do I do?
#2
super glue


Fender Strat
Alexi Laiho ESP

Quote by Doolittle
one time i masturbated into a pumpkins. needless to say
PWNED


Follower of the UG Faith, PM me to join!
#3
Thats perfect! now you have an excusse not to talk to her. Give your horrny dog a high five.
Death Cube K

Quote by primusfan
i know an old lady who supports abortion because it's generally low-class black women getting it performed and for her the less inner-city black kids (or blacks in general) there are, the better.

Oh Damn
#6
Quote by ihatefender
Thats perfect! now you have an excusse not to talk to her. Give your horrny dog a high five.

omg lol.
Quote by IHATECHILDEREN
It's a long story, though, so I'll just say this: laxatives+metal do not mix.




Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger.
#7
Quote by ihatefender
Thats perfect! now you have an excusse not to talk to her. Give your horrny dog a high five.


but he only has 4 toes...

Quote by cocacolabottle
Have her suck your dick.



you know that actually sounds like a good idea...
#8
Have your lips visit the bearded clam. It has magical healing powers.
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
#9
Pics or it didnt happen


lol i dont really want pics i just wanted to be the first person to say it
#11
Super glue is actually a good idea if you want a quick fix, so use some super glue.
We spent a lifetime on the
Beaches of Normandy in vain


Quote by poopsmith666
oooh look at me, i'm clincher, internet tough guy


Quote by theBaartMan
When Nostradamus predicted badassery, he spoke of clincher09.


<//////> ~


UG's NIN fan club
#13
Vasoline/Petroleum jelly
"The rule of law -- it must be held high! And if it falls you pick it up and hold it even higher!" - Hercule Poirot

© Soul Power
#14
Quote by clincher09
Super glue is actually a good idea if you want a quick fix, so use some super glue.
Super glue sorta works, but this is much better:

Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
#15
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
Super glue sorta works, but this is much better:



Well I thought it would be more likely that he would have super glue lying around that that stuff.
We spent a lifetime on the
Beaches of Normandy in vain


Quote by poopsmith666
oooh look at me, i'm clincher, internet tough guy


Quote by theBaartMan
When Nostradamus predicted badassery, he spoke of clincher09.


<//////> ~


UG's NIN fan club
#16
I had my dog lick the wound. Supposedly dog tounges have some kind of secretion that makes wounds heal faster.
#18
Another reason why they are man's best friend (Disregard the leg humping).
666 BRO
#19
Quote by CoreysMonster
I had my dog lick the wound. Supposedly dog tounges have some kind of secretion that makes wounds heal faster.

Wow, your dog just tried to hump you and you let him lick your face. You do know in the animal kingdom you are now his bitch.
Death Cube K

Quote by primusfan
i know an old lady who supports abortion because it's generally low-class black women getting it performed and for her the less inner-city black kids (or blacks in general) there are, the better.

Oh Damn
#20
Quote by ihatefender
Wow, your dog just tried to hump you and you let him lick your face. You do know in the animal kingdom you are now his bitch.


We are "PSYCHONAUT", Psychedelic/Stoner/Sludge from Belgium.

Check out our recordings and shows here:

BandCamp
YouTube
FaceBook
#21
Use duck tape if you don't want it to be noticable. Does it look anything like when the Captain got his mouth sliced open by Mercedes in Pan's Labyrinth?
FOR AWESOME HANDWOUND PICKUPS, CONTACT CorduroyEW
BOOBS
Quote by ratmblink123
Good for you. Have a cookie.


But really... there's no cookie. And if there was, you wouldn't get one.
#25
... well if he only has 4 toes make it a high 9...
Quote by bpoeoanry
go back to sleep
Waking up with boobs? Is there a visine for that.
#26
Quote by ihatefender
Wow, your dog just tried to hump you and you let him lick your face. You do know in the animal kingdom you are now his bitch.

Alright, that was pretty funny.
"The rule of law -- it must be held high! And if it falls you pick it up and hold it even higher!" - Hercule Poirot

© Soul Power
#27
Quote by anOnyMouSanIe
i hope you never get a cut on your penis.


I heard the same thing about women's tounges...
#29
so... your dog humps your leg, he licks your mouth, you spank him... quite the relationship youve got going there with yer dog
ehh
#30
Quote by DorkusMalorkus

You are probably going to get an infection now.



you obviously know little about dogs


EDIT: I just noticed that this thread has gotten horribly off-topic... let's get back to my girl and lips please
#31
well... i guess if talkings an issue you can always bring a sign that says "butt secks please" and point at your lip. she'll probably understand.

EDIT: also note that butt secks can be replaced with blowjob or something more pleasurable
ehh
#32
Quote by CORT noob
Use duck tape if you don't want it to be noticable. Does it look anything like when the Captain got his mouth sliced open by Mercedes in Pan's Labyrinth?

**** dude, that was hardcore, i love that movie
GEAR
- Epi Les Paul Custom (emma)
- Orange Tiny Terror
- 2x12 w/greenbacks
-MXR ZW-44 Overdrivel
- MXR Phase 90
- EB Volume JR.
- Boss DD-3
#33
Wth kinda relationship do you have if you have to lie about something like this. Just tell her what happened..?
Quote by woodenbandman
I guess that the rebellious, strong guy is more appealing than the guy who worships the ground you walk on and would take a bullet for you.

Gear:
Cordoba C5-Ce
Martin DX121
Martin LXM
Ibanez S520EX-> Weeping Demon Wah-> Roland Cube 20x
#34
Quote by ihatefender
Wow, your dog just tried to hump you and you let him lick your face. You do know in the animal kingdom you are now his bitch.


Sigged!
Quote by Senor Kristian
Viking fact no. 1: Viking helmets did not have horn.
Viking fact no. 2: Vikings tobogganed on their shields into battle.
Viking fact no. 3: Vikings drank mead.
Viking fact no. 4: One of your ancestors are likely to have been raped by a viking.
#36
I'm not going to lie about it, I just want to know what to do to make the damn thing heal faster!

Kissing and talking shouldn't be a problem, it's healed a little all ready. It doesn't burst open when I speak anymore. just hope it will survive a hefty making out without getting blood everywhere


EDIT: hey, you sigged me!
#37
Gotta love a hot, sweaty, bacterial bloody makeout session!
Quote by woodenbandman
I guess that the rebellious, strong guy is more appealing than the guy who worships the ground you walk on and would take a bullet for you.

Gear:
Cordoba C5-Ce
Martin DX121
Martin LXM
Ibanez S520EX-> Weeping Demon Wah-> Roland Cube 20x
#38
Quote by CORT noob
Use duck tape if you don't want it to be noticable. Does it look anything like when the Captain got his mouth sliced open by Mercedes in Pan's Labyrinth?


that scene was nasty
[img]http://card.mygamercard.net/gelsig/black/AchillesCore.png[/img]

Quote by drakenshadow
no.


women are sketchy...
#40
Quote by CoreysMonster
I heard the same thing about women's tounges...



*furiously cuts penis*
Quote by AronRa (Youtube user)
It is better to be proven wrong, than to forever be wrong, and never know it.

Quote by Meths
Bill Hicks rules.


I hate my user name >_<
Page 1 of 2