#1
OH MY GOD If you want to see, how much fucking work I put into making this look how I want, quote this. Go on, you're going to be blown away how much coding went into this. I spent a good hour and a half coding this, and structuring this, when I only spent about four minutes writting it.

Please comment on this, I will appreciate it greatly.

I will return anything, just leave a link.

Much Love


Ohio.

Love
.h
.i have no idea.
.o.......h
.........i
.........ohio is trailing right behind me.
...............o
...............m
...............e
...............things never work out
.................................hills are never as pretty
.................................i.........o
.................................o.........t in any pictures I've seen.
.................................................othing is ever as big or as
.................................i...............h.................e
.................................s...............i.................a
.................................................o.................u
.................................g.................................t
.................................ohio..............................in Ohio.
.................................n.................................f
.................................e.................................u
..................................................................l
www.facebook.com/longlostcomic
#2
what?
my gear:

Schecter Hellraiser Sunset FR
Line 6 spider 2: 212 combo 120 watt =\
Line 6 guitar port
EVH frankenstein painted Explorer
#4
Ohio is for lovers....
Pennsylvania is where it's at

I dug the piece. It was interesting, unique, and overall, it was nice. Not your best writing but I gotta respect all that code.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#5
Don't even start that Hawthorne Heights ****, I've had to deal with that for the past...whenever they started. I lived in Dayton, which is where they "started" out and it was such a big **** fest.

Ugh. Butthanks.
www.facebook.com/longlostcomic
#7
I'm not sure if I read it right, but I love how the writing is incredibly simple and the structure is so complex, it's a nice contrast. I found myself thinking that there's supposed to be a picture hidden somewhere inside there... am I right?
Drop another coin in the slot, and I will tell you more...
#10
wow, thats a lot of code... is was a difficult to read the first time... but I actually figured it out the second time... the piece is great... and simple... yay for you...
Promises meant a lot back then.
#12
well
I think when it ceases to actually cleverly use the structure
the enjoyment one gets from this piece really falters i.e things like 'othing is ever as big or as' or 'nohio' or any number of things that don't seem to fit in the whole "crossword puzzle' thing you have going.

Or even the fact that it doesn't seem that the structure serves any sort of purpose.

As far as the words themselves, simple, to the point, overall it's enjoyable and easy to identify with, although surely done before a million times identically with different places. I have a felling there is a song that has these exact phrases in them. Perhaps one of the folks from Omaha wrote something similar.
Not sure if that's much of a crit or even that this needed one
but eh.. you can look at this if you feel like you have time. https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=626080
Jesse Wants To Die Just As Much As You Want Him Dead
Last edited by Knife2aGunFight at Jul 11, 2007,
#13
hour and a half? that's fudgin' ridiculous. although it did make a nice giraffe. the writing itself: very good, flawless, but i would've enjoyed it more if it wasn't so freakin' difficult to read. :P i don't really dig these "clever structures".
#14
It's not so much of a clever structure as it is an experiment in how differently poetry can be written. The point is the structure, even though it serves no purpose, it does allow a reader to read the piece any way they want.

It is also a contrast of complexity and simplicity.
www.facebook.com/longlostcomic
#15
I enjoyed how you took two opposing ideas and made them compliment each other. The writing, I thought, was beautiful in it's simplicity and the structure was a nice touch in that you had to work a little harder to read the poem, making the entire thing a little more rewarding. Good job, guy.
#16
I liked it alot. I have a set of lyrics on here called "Delaware", maybe I can re-arrange them like this and call it "Delaware, Ohio".

crit? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=626351
Guitars - Epiphone Les Paul Standard (Cherry Sunburst)/Alvarez Acoustic/Electric cutaway
Amp - Vox Valvetronix AD30VT 30W
Effects - Boss OS2/Boss DD6 Digital Delay/Digitech RP50

lost city radio. (acoustic)

Songs
Substance and Color
#17
that was so cool.
i stared at at for a really long time, thinking there was a picture. then i saw the words, and was like, oh right.

i love it completely, although as knifefight said, there are a few things that didnt quite match up when read.
but your writing is beautiful, and its impossible to hate you for being so pointless.

nice work.

(oh, and i dont see a giraffe. it looks like a machine gun, turned upside down... duh.)
The only truly consistent people are dead people.

Last edited by darkangel322 at Jul 12, 2007,
#20
I really liked it, it was pretty simplistic, but I enjoyed its beauty nonetheless.
There is poetry in despair.