#1
Sweetly he kissed her engulfed in the flames of her eyes promised what he never thought possible. He then and only then belived in a god that could make such a creature for him to hold. Their bodies swayed to the sounds of their heartbeats intertwining and syncronizing. As their moment ended their lips parted he wished at once for another chance of this sort. He dreamed of her thought about her and prayed for her he was infected by her eyes like the song of a siren beckoning for him. He wandeder past their original plight reminicing of the dance on their cemetary like a stage.There she is in her glowing light eyes ablaze. Except there she was with another his heart raced his fist clenched a tear ran to his eye but he walked away. He thought about her constantly she was his obsession his love. Such a love can drive a man to his grave. One night he decided to see his lover again he waited in the dark night. For her to wander by eventually she did all alone. He apporoached her with the same fury as he did that betraying night. She smiles as thought nothing has happend but he knows he knows. Her eyes play their song and almost lure him again. With one last kiss he grabs her throat and wraps his hands around her throat like a goodbye hug as she drops to her knees he lays her to rest. As he prepares to leave he drops emralds on her eyes. Oh betraying night i shall never love again he swore as a storm cloud tore through the sky over head
#2
Wow.

That was a lot of good description, really, it was. I wonder if punctuation would make the piece better or worse. At first when you were using a series of things it was pretty cool without because it makes it feel like a train of thought. Anyway, this was seriously good. There are a few typos in there, be sure to proofread it. You did amazing with your figures of speech.

There were two things that bothered me: "a tear ran to his eye", it seemed so...I don't know, after reading all the rest of it it was kind of a disappointment. I can't think of anything better though, I guess with that concept you did the best job possible but...see if you can work it another way. AND "With one last kiss he grabs her throat and wraps his hands around her throat", take out one of the "throats", love the goodbye hug bit.

Maybe I'm daft, but why emeralds? I would have thought rubies or something closer to the blaze that you constantly mentioned.

This was really good, I'm a hug fan of it. I'm going to definitely watch out for your stuff.