#1
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either... but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.


- Taken from www.LotsOfJokes.com -


Just wanted to share it with you as I find it quite funny
Note: Sorry if my grammar and/or vocabulary isn't very good, English is my 2nd language!

Quote by Resiliance
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#4
old, but still funny
FAN OF EMPEROR ?

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#5
I love it. And women think they know it all. Or they think they rule the world. Oh god... yeah right.
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#6
Very nice very nice...

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#7
@ afrothunder666: lolll at your sig.... It took me about 30sec to realize it was fake!


I guess I'm too tired for tonight! Goodnight people!
Note: Sorry if my grammar and/or vocabulary isn't very good, English is my 2nd language!

Quote by Resiliance
you show me yours and I'll show you mine!


If you're wondering where I've been gone, click here!
#10
lol
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#12
kinda old. use search bar: "no sex tonight"
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#13
Lawl that was good. It is an old one but it reminds me of my childhood, lol that was a favorite joke for a while I think.

Good stuff haha, nostalgia sets in.
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#15
Okay, okay I got one. What do you get when you cross a chicken and a hamster?
Quote by hard_rock101
if i started a brutal death metal band, id call it Bleeding Asshole
Quote by abdulalhazred
I really don't know whether I hope this is a troll thread or not....... I mean...either he raped a girl
Or thinks it's ****ing hilarious to joke about it.
He's a monster either way.
#16
Quote by thefoldarsoldar
kinda old. use search bar: "no sex tonight"
haha loll.... Oops!

No Sex Tonight (link)
Note: Sorry if my grammar and/or vocabulary isn't very good, English is my 2nd language!

Quote by Resiliance
you show me yours and I'll show you mine!


If you're wondering where I've been gone, click here!
#17
Quote by J-Smack
Okay, okay I got one. What do you get when you cross a chicken and a hamster?

A really fucked up baby?
#18
Quote by J-Smack
Okay, okay I got one. What do you get when you cross a chicken and a hamster?
No idea?!?!
Note: Sorry if my grammar and/or vocabulary isn't very good, English is my 2nd language!

Quote by Resiliance
you show me yours and I'll show you mine!


If you're wondering where I've been gone, click here!
#19
Paris Hilton.
Quote by hard_rock101
if i started a brutal death metal band, id call it Bleeding Asshole
Quote by abdulalhazred
I really don't know whether I hope this is a troll thread or not....... I mean...either he raped a girl
Or thinks it's ****ing hilarious to joke about it.
He's a monster either way.
#20
Quote by J-Smack
Paris Hilton.

*ba dum, tshhh*
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#21
Same site.

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

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#22
Tonight I kill your fucking face.
I killed your face.


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#23
Very old, but still funny.

Quote by Haha, Crackhead
Same site.

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".




Not heard that one before though.


Whilst on the joke telling then, I'll repeat one I heard the other day, unfortunately I'm not 100% sure what the punch line was - I'll explain in a minute.


What's 8 inches long and makes a woman scream?

Cock death


As for the punchline thing, I'm not sure whether he actually said "cot death" - as in the way some babies die - or "cock death" as in a pun on "cot death".

Either way I thought it was awesome.
Co-President of UG's Tubgirl Virgins Club

Last edited by JamieB at Jul 12, 2007,
#25
good that you write in the topic that this joke is funny
"That was it, a nick. Now happily paid for. [...] It was decided that it was so far away in time and influence that...well, you only get caught when you're successful. That's the game". Robert Plant