#1
new song crit4crit


Time Just Rubs the Salt

From what I’ve been told,
Time heals all wounds.
But from what I’ve learned,
It feels as though time,
Just rubs the salt in.

Even when I manage,
To stop time right in its tracks.
The scar tissue left behind,
Seems greater then,
The wound it was before.

A second doesn’t pass,
That I don’t cringe,
At what we used to have.
And all the scars,
That I have from you.

It’s never gonna be the same,
Way that it used to be.
Time just opened the cuts,
Even more than before.
And I doubt,
We’ll be able to stitch this one up.

From what I’ve been told,
Time heals all wounds.
But from what I’ve learned,
It feels as though time,
Just rubs the salt in.
ED REED BABY
#2
Its an interesting piece, I'll give ya that I like it, you could try to rhyme a little bit more. A few bits didnt flow very well, such as this bit -
'Even when I manage,
To stop time right in its tracks.'
This bit was really cool and in my opinion, the best part of the song -
'Time just opened the cuts,
Even more than before.
And I doubt,
We’ll be able to stitch this one up'
Keep up the good work. Crit 4 crit? - https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=628215
Raise your chalice my brother
Raise it high
To catch the fire that falls from the sky
#3
There are parts that didn't flow very well, I liked it, it was vague and pretty much let the reader take it as they saw it, not as you saw it, but still getting the general picture across without being to linear.
I liked it, very interesting.
take a look at mine,

Far away treatment - https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=628896
My guitars:

Ibanez RG5EX1
Eleca Dread Acoustic
Dean ML

My FX: Line 6 Floor POD Plus

In the end, fact means nothing,
its all about perspective
#4
thanks yea some parts kinda flow wierd but i have a little riff behind them and it sounds fine when you sing along with the part
ED REED BABY
#5
Interesting, and original. You have an imagination. I especially like how the first verse was written, very straightforward and simple but it delivers effectively. My only criticism here would the fourth stanza (It's never gonna be the same, Way that it used to be....). It sounds very rushed, the second line doesn't make sense, the line 'Even more than before' is VERY bland and doesn't add anything to the otherwise great effect made by the preceding line.

And I doubt,
We'll be able to stitch this one up.

I like the last line, but I suggest you change 'And I doubt', it distracts the flow and damages the overall quality of that particular stanza.

Overall, this is a good piece, I enjoyed reading it. Hope this helped.

Crit for crit?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=628321
#6
I think it's okay, sort of blunt and to the point but it's not unbearable to read. I think you should put more metaphors and allusions to scaring, wounds, battle scars, etc, it'd make for a much more interesting piece. I think you should refer to time more as well, making more allusions and maybe even personification, anything to further enhance what you've already written. Good effort!
Drop another coin in the slot, and I will tell you more...
#7
I like it. I think it says what it means. I really like the metaphor you based it on, and the concept is very original
Surrender every word, every thought every sound.
Surrender every touch, every smile, every frown.
Surrender all the pain we've endured until now.
Surrender all the hope that I lost you have found.
Surrender yourself to me.