#1
Earlier today, I went to church to get some peace. I had a terrible hangover, and I was shaking with anxiety. This morning I woke up and remembered that I sang karaoke in front of a full bar, and toward the end of the song (I sang "YMCA" by the village people, btw) I started stripping. Security didn't stop me before it was too late. So yeah, I figured the church would be the right place to go today, to get a little peace and quiet.

So, I'm sitting next to a midget, and when the service starts, he suddenly stands up on the church bench and starts yodeling a hymn into my ear. I tell him to take it easy, I was drunk last night, and I have a terrible hangover.

The midget starts screaming some commandments into my ear and yelling at me for going against god's will. I got furious. I could feel the rage building up as the midget humiliated me in front of the whole church. Then suddenly BOOM! I punch him in the face and shart on his face while I squealed "FEEL THE FOOKING FURY!".

Afterwards, I felt so good and was sporting an enormous erection. As the angry christian mob led me out the door, some old woman hit my erected penis with her umbrella while shouting "THE DEVIL'S PENIS!".

So, guys, Is it safe to put Icy Hot on my penis?
Quote by p o e
lmfao man thats so sick and depraved and yet funny all at once

my hats off to you IbanezSA160, you have embodied the Pit into one little poem
#4
I guess it would be nice to give my heart to a god. But which one do I choose? The church is filled with losers, psycho or confused. I just want to hold a devine in mine and forget all of the beauty wasted.

We fell back to earth like gravity's bitches.
Physics makes us all its bitches.
#5
that was entertaining. efgdabsltrjdsgkvjlfdsagvkbnjkreportedhyrfegtuwvhbdkjflhfgvsdhcsbs
Quote by Jackal58
If I was Santa you'd all get shit for Christmas.
#8
yeah, i would put icy hot on it
Overdrive of the Autobot Transformers G1 Club

Van Halen, October 16th, All-state arena, Section 213 Row A
#9
Quote by D0c7oR 8oB
yeah, i would put icy hot on it

All right, then I will. Thanks, man.
Quote by p o e
lmfao man thats so sick and depraved and yet funny all at once

my hats off to you IbanezSA160, you have embodied the Pit into one little poem
#10
Quote by Guitar_picker36
Wat does it even mean??


+1
Gear:
ESP ltd MH-1000
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I Was at Download 07/08/09/10 Because I'm not a Cheap Bastard and I'm Damn Proud!
#11
dude you have posted to totally made up bull**** stories in the last couple of weeks.

why????

that story is not true, no one is ever going to punch a midget in the middle of church, stop being such an attention ***** and making stupid threads.
#12
Quote by Guitar_picker36
Wat does it even mean??


+2
You cannot choose the little time you're given in this world. You enter bare and unclothed, provided only with intelligence enough to choose how you spend your time. You always have a choice. Always. Though be warned, your choice can rarely be undone
#13
Quote by ch715dallat
dude you have posted to totally made up bull**** stories in the last couple of weeks.

why????

that story is not true, no one is ever going to punch a midget in the middle of church, stop being such an attention ***** and making stupid threads.

Because it is fun. Now go play in traffic.
Quote by p o e
lmfao man thats so sick and depraved and yet funny all at once

my hats off to you IbanezSA160, you have embodied the Pit into one little poem
#16
i guess the mods are out on a coffee break right now...
Overdrive of the Autobot Transformers G1 Club

Van Halen, October 16th, All-state arena, Section 213 Row A
#17
No, actually, midget punchings have always been a common tradition in churches for years. There's a reason you never EVER see a midget Priest on Sunday morning evangelicalivision. Everytime any one of them had a dream to become one, they would be run out of the church by somebody.
Quote by vintage x metal
I love you =] I can't say I was very fond of you when we first started talking because you trolled the hell out of my threads, but after talking to you here I've grown very attached to you.

Yeah, write to my fanclub about it, honey.