#1

Out on the summer nights
Wishing I had someone to touch
Thinking of you, that one person
The one that looks much like you

I gain the courage to speak you
I want the response that engages two
Hard knocks at your door is calling you

I can’t live without the feel of affection
And the pull of attraction

The way you stare into my eyes
Cuts a chill down my spine
Cause I’m just waiting for everlasting line
The one that tells me your mine

I gain the courage to speak you
I want the response that engages two
Hard knocks at your door is calling you

This is just another note left for you
Waiting for you to open it with god’s given joy
I will always be willing to be you confront toy

I gain the courage to speak you
I want the response that engages two
Hard knocks at your door is calling you
Last edited by Megtillica at Jul 17, 2007,
#2

Out on the summer nights
Wishing I had someone to touch
Thinking of you, that one person
The one that looks much like you

I gain the courage to speak you
I want the response that engages two
Hard knocks at your door calling you
If only it opens for the truth

I can’t live without the feel of affection
And the pull of attraction
but all I get is the pain of separation

The way you stare into my eyes
Cuts a chill down my spine
Cause I’m just waiting for everlasting line
The one that tells me your mine
dam this stanza is good

I gain the courage to speak you
I want the response that engages two
Hard knocks at your door calling you
If only it opens for the truth

This is just another note left for you
Waiting for you to open it with god’s given joy
I will always be willing to be you confront toy

I gain the courage to speak you
I want the response that engages two
Hard knocks at your door calling you
If only it opens for the truth


overall, this is great. it not too long its not too short; its just right. good job on it
#5
yeah overall it is good it has good flow and i like the way you have wrote this piece good job keep up the good work
#6
Thanks for the crit. I appreciate it. I really liked this piece. It was a departure fromn your usually metal stuff and you tackled this quite well. It's hard to write good love songs, you accomplished. Anyways, nice job and I'm looking forward to reading more from you.
#7
^ plus one,

it is very hard to write good love songs.... nice flow, the chorus is wicked.
GO Islanders!

J!E!T!S! JETS JETS JETS!!!!!
#8
Id say its perfect but i might change this line

The way you stare into my eyes
Cuts a chill down my spine
Cause I’m just waiting for that everlasting line
The one that tells me your mine

but i know almost nothing about writing lyrics so i dont know how valid my opinion is