#1
This looks like fun. I registered to pop this in here. Feedback welcome, obviously. I guess it would need to be polished to fit a melody, but this is how it is now.

TV Dinner

He is sitting in front of the box again
It talks but has nothing to say
The chicken is hot and steaming
Sleeping in the plastic tray

Someone won a lot of cash
The audience gave an applause
He rips the plastic off the tray
And dips the chicken in the sauce

Someone shot a lot of students
Nobody seems to know why
He has a zip of beer
And a soft and watery fry

The war is still on or so it seems
It’s dragging on for years
The only thing they talk about
He goes to the fridge for another beer

A beard with glasses talks about the climate
The polar bear is as good as dead
He looks at the cooling chicken
Maybe it’s time for bed

A model or an actress shines in the flashes
She looks quite sincere
He takes a bite of the chicken
But it’s colder than the beer

A teen star is singing about a boyfriend
She is singing something about what should be
He zips the zipper and sinks in his sofa
Wanting to plant a tree
#2
in an odd way..i really enjoyed that.
is it weird to think that it was deep, although it was about a tv dinner?
gabbieRAMONE <3
she's a renegade princess.


"I guess I can go anywhere I want. If only I knew where to go." -layne thomas staley.
#3
Hey, welcome to the forums

I definitely love the subject matter, for sure.

The rhymes and sentence structure were in some places too predictable for my tastes, but it was by no means a bad piece. You made up for that with your clever words, like "sleeping in the plastic tray" and "a beard with glasses". I kind of liked the monotony of it because it is extremely appropriate for the topic. I like how you hit on pretty much all the kinds of things you see on TV, too. I found the end somewhat abrupt though and a bit strange, wanting to plant a tree...mah.

I don't have any real suggestions I guess, I mean it was pretty simple but I gather from the topic and title that it was intentional?
#5
Thanks for the feedbacks. I'll do my best to return the favour.

It is simple on purpose, yes. I was trying to have it as bland as his life without making it boring. It's about watching TV and how one might react to it, or not react rather. The only time the character reacts is when he sees the teen singing. The planting a tree business is him reaching for his "little friend". There might be a better way to express that.