#1
This is pretty short and I'm going to add to it eventually (if you people think it's worth carrying on with )

Verse:

This is my ode to love and death
So when the time comes and I take my last breath
There will be nothing left
I will love you forever don't ever forget

Chorus:

And when the river surrounds me
Pulls me under and drowns me
I'll be dead to the world
Except for one girl
I'll stay alive in her memories
I'l' come and visit her in her dreams

[Repeat all]
#2
yeah you should continue with it, i liked it, just take your time on each and every piece ad write it as if its a story, i love these kinda writings, i'd like to see the end reult
#3
Was thinking of maybe changing the title and the end of the chorus, is this any better or should I stick witht the original?

new title? Paradise With Her

And when the river surrounds me
Pulls me under and drowns me
I'll be dead to the world
Except for one girl
In her dreams I'll come back to life
And live with her in paradise
#4
Quote by PXi
This is pretty short and I'm going to add to it eventually (if you people think it's worth carrying on with )

Verse:

This is my ode to love and death
So when the time comes and I take my last breath
There will be nothing left
I will love you forever don't ever forget

it just feels unfinished and bland


Chorus:

And when the river surrounds me
Pulls me under and drowns me
I'll be dead to the world
Except for one girl
I'll stay alive in her memories
I'l' come and visit her in her dreams

this is better nice

[Repeat all]


the bnest part was the chorus i think you should work on the verse