#1
I can't figure out a title for this song. I only have lyrics and no guitar part yet. Also please rate my lyrics.

Verse 1
Look into my eyes and tell me what you see,
Just take one glance, you know that it’s free.
Tell me as you peer deep within,
Are they full of life or filled with sin?

Walking down the road I see your face,
Gotta struggle hard just to keep my pace.
My legs fall week and my face meets the ground,
Deep inside my mind I hear a familiar sound.

Chorus
The world keeps falling down around my knees,
I’m begging now, somebody help me please!
I’m screaming so loud my lungs are sore,
I just don’t think I can fight no more.

The world keeps falling, getting worse and worse.
We need to pull on strong, gonna beat this curse.
Pull ourselves together, I swear that we can win,
Throw myself out there as a man among men.

Verse 2
I see you running away, just as fast as you can,
Everyone knows that you got up and ran.
I did nothing wrong, you are the one to blame,
Now that you are gone it can never be the same.

Why is this happening, what did I do?
What did I say that went and pissed off you?
Never come back, you are no longer a friend,
I’m never gonna give up till the very end.

Chorus
The world keeps falling down around my knees,
I’m begging now, somebody help me please!
I’m screaming so loud my lungs are sore,
I just don’t think I can fight no more.

The world keeps falling, getting worse and worse.
We need to pull on strong, gonna beat this curse.
Pull ourselves together, I swear that we can win,
Throw myself out there as a man among men.

Verse 3
Nobody loves you, do you see you were wrong?
Have you finally figured out the jist of this song?
It’s your turn to cry, I told you I would win.
I realize now, that you are full of sin.
#2
Giving Up?

Reason:
For most of the chorus you sound like your giving up, but in the last part of it your telling yourself your not. So your unsure if your giving up or not.

Or this

Setting Myself Free

Reason: You mention in the last verse that you were going to win, so that means that you are perhaps letting her go, meaning setting yourself free.

Sounds good man, hope I could be of some help.
#3
it's a good song, i enjoyed it. the one problem i have: rhyming. i said the same thing to another kid on here, but the one thing i personally try to stray from is rhyming. maybe it's because of my intense love for bands that don't rhyme or the music i listen to. either way, i stay away from it. i feel that it can limit one's potential in the writing of the song. words need to be rearranged, or you are limited to what you really want to say, because you are striving to make it rhyme.

example:
Why is this happening, what did I do?
What did I say that went and pissed off you?

that just sounds awkward on paper/computer screen.

i'm also not a fan of repeating words, especially if they are used in the rhyme sequence. it could be because i can be considered quite anal-retentive, but you used the word 'sin' twice. i'm writing this, realizing that it might not matter becuase they are so far apart, but that's just me.

still, EXCELLENT song. props to you.

title idears: World Keeps Falling, Fight No More, Man Amongst Men
Last edited by sweetlew13 at Jul 19, 2007,
#4
The World Keeps Falling

Reason: This is most repeated line.
SAVE THE JAZZ

"Remember, there are two kinds of people in the world:
People who finish things, and"