#1
I'm not sure if this is my 2nd or 3rd song this week, if its the third pleez just tell me and i'll delete it, no need for locking it up, anyway just felt like writing, i always return the favor of crits.

The Illusionist

Verse 1
So sick of being fake, these illusions that I create,
I want to feel something real, if only I could lift the veil,
I've searched forever to find the cure, but it seems I am linked to this curse.

Chorus
This shade that deludes me has never ceased to be,
For I am a shadow within myself - dancing upon your memory.
An Illusion of the heart, All I can offer to you is tears,
Waiting upon the sands of time until I dissapear.

Verse 2
So fake that I am sick, this delusion that love creates,
I want to say something real, if only I could break the seal,
I've searched forver to find the cure, but something links me to this curse.

Chorus
This shade that deludes me has never ceased to be,
For I am a shadow within myself - dancing upon your memory.
An Illusion of the heart, All I can offer to you is tears,
Waiting upon the sands of time until I dissapear.


Bridge
Why I was made to feel this way - I shall never understand.
Until I went up to The Illusionist himself and presented him with my demand.
He took my hand and lead me to see,
In order to live - I first must be freed.
This anger I've built inside me is seeping throughout,
Letting it go may be my only way out.

Chorus
This shade that deludes me has never ceased to be,
For I am a shadow within myself - never to be anything.
An Illusion of the heart, I can only bring you tears,
Waiting upon the sands of time until this curse dissapears.

End
Last edited by AgainsTheMirror at Jul 20, 2007,
#2
I like it ... one thing i would do though is put in another verse between the current two.

I read it that: to start off with you aren't sure whether you are linked to the curse but by the end of the second verse you know that you are. Then in the bridge you want to know why.

So i think a middle verse where you are almost finding out why.

But yeah i like it!!
#3
I like it ... one thing i would do though is put in another verse between the current two.

I read it that: to start off with you aren't sure whether you are linked to the curse but by the end of the second verse you know that you are. Then in the bridge you want to know why.

So i think a middle verse where you are almost finding out why.



Yeah Awesome song, I agree with Qazo on this but i like
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#4
Meh. I dont really like it... Repepitive verse-chorus structure, etc. I think some of the words arent really needed, and some of the rhymes seem somewhat forced... I think mostly though, I just didnt really like the flow.... With some work it'd probably be something I'd quite like though.
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#5
thanx i'll note that, i notice i've been having some trouble with flow latley, i just need to change around some lines, i'll edit it when i feel i'm ready to take another stab at it
#7
Well i took the time to critique one of yours(thanks for your citisism as well.) i found your song to be very well done i like how you keep bringing up the illusionist and the first line of verse one and two. so fake of being sick so sick of being fake well done. i do want to know your sound though
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