#1
They were pirates
And I was a clown
They must have thought I was an idiot
Kept me around
To do a few tricks
Until I started to get sick of it
I jumped overboard when I still could
Didn't wanna walk the plank
I took all of their money because they'd waste it on mud
I kept it safe in the bank

When the clown, lept overboard
There was less fun they began to get bored
They sailed the seven seas but they didn't find the rogue clown who lost his mind

The pirates rotted away
Turned into dust and smoke
But their ghosts forever sailed the oceans
Looking for one one last joke
They looked like dirtbags and acted the part
They're voices were shoddy and broke
They realised they didn't care about a thing
And for eternity the ghost pirates toked
Last edited by Sabu at Jul 20, 2007,
#2
After the first stanza, I thought it was about a person being discriminated against who was sick of it, but after that I wasn't so sure.

I didn't really get what you were going for these lyrics, nor did I understand why you wrote it the way you did. The imagery is oversimplified in my opinion. I felt the language was very simple, almost childish. I believe the idea of the first stanza was a good one, but maybe not approached as creatively as possible, but than all went awry. I would recommend trying to rewrite i so as to better express your ideas.

Crit please?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=632955
Moonchild of Rory Gallagher Fan Club PM dazzler16 to Join

Quote by PinkIsCool
UG- The only place where a heartwarming moment can easily be turned into an act of homosexuality and incest.


Last edited by El Toro at Jul 20, 2007,