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#1
Im really in shit now

So my parents and brothers went on holiday to Spain, but I wanted to stay, to work/hang out with friends. Anyway, I ended up staying at some random relatives house, who lives near me. Its a half decent place, except the dad is pretty strict (there are 2 daughters around 12 and 13 years old), and they have this cat thats been constantly bugging the **** out of me. He was always purring loudly in the middle of the night, he'd scratch at my door, and sometimes he has even hissed and scratched me. The worst thing he did was hop onto my desk (this thing was a freaking acrobat) and take a ****.

Anyways, I just got home from work and this cat was waiting outside my door. I opened the door and just tried to ignore it, but it kept hissing, and as I stepped past it that ****ing thing scratched me. Well, he managed to get my ankle and I could feel it bleeding, so I kinda kicked it really really hard. It was just instinct...anyone would have done the same. So, I first kicked it into my door (it was partially open), and then it kept hissing at me, so I had to kick it again. This time I kicked it out of my room. There's a room adjacent to mine, so it flew about 2 meters and then knocked the adjacent door open.

I heard some pretty loud snaps, and it's not moving.

Jesus guys, wtf am I gonna do though? The family have kids that love this cat, and even though it was just an accident I'm sure as hell the parents (my relatives) will be pissed.

I'm thinking I should just get rid of the body. I mean, if they can't find the cat they aren't going to jump to the conclusion that I killed it, right? Garbage pick up is today, so if I put it with the rest of my trash and take it out I don't think they'll ever find it.

Anyways, ****. **** **** **** I need more ideas guys. The family usually gets home at about four thirty, so I only have an hour. HELP

#2
hahaahahhahaahhahahahahahahahahahhaha


eat it
Quote by BrianApocalypse
They're all covers, but "Think" was actually written by Urethra Franklin.



Founder of the Offical Henry Polfave Sucks club
#3
Do a barrel roll!
Quote by -BlackZeppelin-
Psh. I can can play fleshlight acoustically.

*masturbates*
#4
I give it 5 minutes before someone suggests rubbing icy hot on it...

*waits..*
God knows I don't want to be an angel

PSN ID: MattIgoe
Wii ID: 7810 3870 3554 5359
Gamertag: MattIgoe
#6
have you moved it at all since he/she died?
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#7
Take it outside, and dump it at the side of the road. It will look like it's been hit by a car. Make sure no one sees you.
Originally Posted by Kensai
Thx keine_lust, I probably would've missed the chili's if it wasn't for you


SCARECROW of UG's Gotham City
#9
Masturbate
Some people like cupcakes exclusively, while myself, I say there is naught nor ought there be nothing so exalted on the face of God's grey Earth as that prince of foods:



the muffin!
#10
No, I havent moved it.

Quote by Keine_Lust
Take it outside, and dump it in the road. Make sure no one sees you.

I was thinking that, put it somewhere where it would get run over...
#11
omg 1st page!!!
anyway, yeah you have to eat it, its the only way
signitcha
Schecter C-1 Classic
Peavey 5150 2x12 Combo
MXR 10 Band EQ
#12
Dispose of the evidence and buy a replacement, it's grey shouldn't be too hard to find a look-a-like.....but first make sure it's dead, by eating it
#14
Quote by can_i_say
Dispose of the evidence and buy a replacement, it's grey shouldn't be too hard to find a look-a-like.....but first make sure it's dead.

maybe it's unconcioius?
signitcha
Schecter C-1 Classic
Peavey 5150 2x12 Combo
MXR 10 Band EQ
#15
take another pic from a different angle to prove to us its not jsut a picture of a cat on its back.
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#17
Quote by Masamune
It's probably just sleeping.

I wish. I dont think cats normally go to sleep after being kicked and making a snapping sound...
#18
Quote by TacoPaco9317
maybe it's unconcioius?

Yeah exactly thats what I meant by make sure... and i didn't edit my post to the eating of the cat argument.
#20
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAA


yea, you should pretend that it got run over or something.

Or just hide the body and say that you havent seen it all day and that it must have gone missing.


and check for a pulse
#22
Quote by xXBlack_PickXx
rub icy hot on it.




See? 4 minutes
God knows I don't want to be an angel

PSN ID: MattIgoe
Wii ID: 7810 3870 3554 5359
Gamertag: MattIgoe
#23
Bin it.... anywhere you can! The tip? Maybe...
Your story sounds adjacent to a Peep Show story... and he tried to eat it... it didnt work!
#24
check for a pulse and stuff. then hide it, and say you don't know where it went. if its really dead.
Quote by KaMiKaZi90
"Mr. Owl? How many strokes does it take to make my little man explode?"
"Lets find out! One! Two! Three!"
*Crunch*
""
#25
Quote by thrashster
take another pic from a different angle to prove to us its not jsut a picture of a cat on its back.

Jesus. I have to get rid of this thing before 2 little girls and their nazi father get home, and you want more pics...

+!p3: no pulse, or breathing.
#26
Quote by umop-3p!sdn
So, I first kicked it into my door (it was partially open), and then it kept hissing at me, so I had to kick it again. This time I kicked it out of my room. There's a room adjacent to mine, so it flew about 2 meters and then knocked the adjacent door open.

I heard some pretty loud snaps, and it's not moving.

The second kick doesn't sound very necessary =/

I suggest you gut it and wear it as a Davy Crockett hat when they arrive home and hope they see the funny side.
« »
#28
Quote by EdawMail
Bin it.... anywhere you can! The tip? Maybe...
Your story sounds adjacent to a Peep Show story... and he tried to eat it... it didnt work!


Haha, I remember that
#29
personally, i think the dad deserves to kick your ass.
killing it was completly uncalled for.
do the right thing and hump it.
#30
tell them it was trying to steal your stuff and you had to fight it. C'mon it was a black male. they'll believe.
#31
Quote by filthandfury
You bastard!

Cats are brilliant.

I feel sorry for it, and it's owners, and partially you.

I love cats, I have one at home. I just dont like this one, it was a moody bastard.

Anyway, just chuck it on a random stretch of the road?
#32
dude that's really made my day "so I kinda kicked it really really hard." . Ummm buy a new cat that looks like that one
#34
Quote by xXBlack_PickXx
rub icy hot on it.





best advice yet
signitcha
Schecter C-1 Classic
Peavey 5150 2x12 Combo
MXR 10 Band EQ
#35
Make it into chili and have them eat it.
Quote by RHCP94
It's an option for the "Which one of E Daws parents are uglier?" thread.
#37
After you fap a little...stage a fake death, e.g.:

Pick it up and go near the window (this only works if it's a two story house) and yell "No, don't jump *insert cat's name here*!!"

and then hike it out the window, then run to get help or something, make it look like it 'fell'
Some people like cupcakes exclusively, while myself, I say there is naught nor ought there be nothing so exalted on the face of God's grey Earth as that prince of foods:



the muffin!
#38
Put it on the road nobody will suspect you.
Quote by j.pagejr.
if im in a rush then its in the water but if i have time to be precise i aim for the side

Quote by Shredder6
you guys stand up?
#39
You didn't have to kick it, it's only a little cat you could have just put it in a room and shut the door.