#1
C4C. This song i wrote whil i was sitting at school and i saw my friend all upset and **** i dont know why exactly but these words came to my head so i wrote them down please tell me what you think.C4C.

Verse:
Life is a beautiful problem
With so many things to be shared
Life should be without problems
Left with nothing to be spared


Chorus:
So just wake up and smell the fumes
Wake up and see what its doing to you
Life if is war so pack your s*** and let’s fight
Waking up with that honesty
That isn’t really there
Just living another day in your life
That’s is your beautiful problem
#2
i like it but you need 1 or 2 more verses
but it was good, the way i thought of it in my head
#3
yeh i know i was just making sure people liked it before i finish writing the rest. thank you for your crit are there any you would like me to crit???
#4
Pretty good, I like your use of words in the first verse.

Left with nothing to be sparred.

Sticks out to me for somereason.

Good job, cant wait for it to be finished.
#5
Great friggin job man dude i love the first verse and i think you should try adding more to your piece....nice work my friend
#6
Do something different with the Chorus. That Verse is good, but the Chorus needs some serious revising.

http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=634315
My guitar modification blog.
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Jesus was all like "To those about to rock, I salute you." then he grabbed his mighty axe and rocked the Romans out really hard. Of course they were strict classical music so....
#7
I enjoyed reading this piece. What syle of music is it? anyways thanks for the crit to my song "Awakened"
Quote by cpt_pimp
my last fail was breaking up with my gf.

that's going to suck for a while


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Well, not really haha!


#8
I like the verse alot, only crit with the verse would be, using problem twice for a rhyme, im sure u can find another word.. The chorus is very good.. The first too lines are great, the only crit i hav is the third line.. I dont really think it flows as well, and it seems a bit out of place, but i can see it is important..

Overall, this is a gr8 start to a possibly gr8 song..
Keep expandin the idea and i think you'll have a gr8 piece...

Please crit mine
http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=636322
The times are changing
#10
Thanks for critting mine.

There are some spelling and grammar problems. I didn't really like the second verse/chorus. The first was good though. I think you could definitely expand on your ideas a little more. Paint a picture with your words.
Can't say I was never wrong
But some blame rests on you


Work and play they're never okay
To mix the way we do