#1
C4C.these r some lyrics i wrote down for a song i came up with. it is a kind of southern/bluesy/acoustic rock song. as usual i write some pretty cliche lyrics, so theres the warning. if u want proof check out my other songs. but tell me what think and if i should change anything or just throw it away. C4C

VERSE
On that road
we pass the willow.
There so far to go.
On that road
yellow cant be followed.
There still so far to go.

CHORUS
Driving the backroads,
to nowhere.
Letting it all go,
just to escape.
Driving the backroads,
we dont no where.
Letting it all go,
to get away.

VERSE
On that road
where we dont know.
There so far to go.
On that road
we near the end,
to where we begin.

CHORUS
Driving the backroads,
to nowhere.
Letting it all go,
just to escape.
Driving the backroads,
we dont no where.
Letting it all go,
to get away.


SOLO (fades out)
My Music
http://www.myspace.com/theocifers
GUITARS:
Gibson ES-335
Gretsch Pro Jet
Guild Acoustic
1958 Harmony Hollowbody Archtop
AMPS & EFFECTS:
Vox Valvetronix AD50VT
Vox V847A Wah Pedal
Electro-Harmonix USA Big Muff
Danelectro Daddy-O
Last edited by TeXaS_db at Jul 25, 2007,
#2
I liked it. It has some good possibilities. If I were you I would make the verses just a little bit longer.It has a very catchy title. I'd give it a 4 out of 5 rating. Good Job

If you get the chance could you tell me what you think of my songs.Thanks
#4
I liked this piece. It was definitely very bluesy which is a nice change of pace compared to most pieces on this forum. Also I thought the wording was great and it flowed really well. The chorus was kinda repetitive so may be you should change it to......

Driving the back roads
To nowhere states
Driving the back roads
just to escape
Driving the back roads
because the highway
can't stand my face.

Anyways probably not the best chorus, and I'm not sure about that "can't stand my face" line. Anyways, I think two back up singers should sing the "driving the backroads" lines and the lead singer should sing the others. All in all, great job and keep it up, man

Crit mine please
Thorns
#5
Quote by TeXaS_db
VERSE
On that road
we pass the willow.
There so for to go.
On that road
yellow cant be followed.
There still so far to go.

I believe you meant "far" in the third line. If so, it's too repetitive. Also, get rid of that rhyming scheme. AAAAAA is very annoying.

CHORUS
Driving the backroads,
to nowhere.
Driving the backroads,
just to escape.
Driving the backroads,
we dont no where.
Driving the backroads,
to get away.

Way too repetitive. Also seems like you were rhyming just for the sake of rhyming.

VERSE
On that road
where we dont know.
There so far to go.
On that road
we near the end,
to where we begin.

"to where we begin" messes with the flow, in my opinion.

CHORUS
Driving the backroads,
to nowhere.
Driving the backroads,
just to escape.
Driving the backroads,
we dont no where.
Driving the backroads,
to get away.

SOLO (fades out)


Link to Ascension Day is in my sig.
My guitar modification blog.
Quote by MuffinMan
Jesus was all like "To those about to rock, I salute you." then he grabbed his mighty axe and rocked the Romans out really hard. Of course they were strict classical music so....
#6
i liked it, i have absolutley no problem with cliche at all, as far as im concerned you wouldnt stop saying hello just because it had been said before! I also wouldnt scrap the chorus or change it, the repetition works well, it flows well and whilst it is a little simplistic i dont see that as a fault with the song

return crit?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=635395
“I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f*ckin' mouth.” RIP
Http://www.Smash-it-up.tk
#7
i changed the chorus a lil bit so it wouldnt be so repetative. if ya dont like it i could change back to what it was
My Music
http://www.myspace.com/theocifers
GUITARS:
Gibson ES-335
Gretsch Pro Jet
Guild Acoustic
1958 Harmony Hollowbody Archtop
AMPS & EFFECTS:
Vox Valvetronix AD50VT
Vox V847A Wah Pedal
Electro-Harmonix USA Big Muff
Danelectro Daddy-O
#8
Quote by TeXaS_db
i changed the chorus a lil bit so it wouldnt be so repetative. if ya dont like it i could change back to what it was


Go with what you feel works best. Everyones gonna have a different opinion what really matters is how you feel about what you've written and what you're tryin to say.

“I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f*ckin' mouth.” RIP
Http://www.Smash-it-up.tk
#9
Sorry bout that, i thought i had critted you. anyway, it was all right. it all seemed a bit repetitive. the chorus is better after you changed it, but it could still use a little revising. i think it should maybe be a little longer too to make it better, but it doesnt have to be. so it wasn't great, but it wasn't that bad either. thanks for the crit.
#10
No problems with it just a really good song. it seems to me like it was a ben harper or jack johnson kinda thing
"You've got to dance like nobody else is watching.
Dream like you will live forever.
Live like you're going to die tomorrow,
and love like it is never gonna hurt."
-- James Dean (1931-1955)

Quote by JakeTheDuck
This man has the right idea.


^
oh yeahhh