#1
First recorded song from my band glass houses...

http://www.myspace.com/glasshousesounds


[fishbowl]

Nine to five took up too much time
he's got champagne in the fridge that cost £1.95
Six kids, Seven debts, Eight ex wives
There's a fox in his henhouse with a gun and a knife
He's got a lust for beer and a passion for fags
He's a nasty bastard, been to prison, spits on tramps
Clutch every penny, cos they ain't plentiful

Watching all the people in their fishbowl lives, necking 3 percent lager and adjusting their ties
and all the angry children speak of liberty when honest decent living is a distant memory
quick to point the finger, fast to lay the blame, when in reality we aint never gonna change
displaying all the symptoms of a dying race, too busy stabbing in the back to take a look at the face

too blind to see it, i pray believe it

Big tits, short skirt, painted face
She's performing her clown act for a minimal rate
and when she takes her make up off
she's the chavviest, the ugliest, the stupidest ****
and all the apples crush her closer to the bottom of her barrel
and she's never risin up
That's her lot

Watching all the people in their fishbowl lives, necking 3 percent lager and adjusting their ties
and all the angry children speak of liberty when honest decent living is a distant memory
quick to point the finger, fast to lay the blame, when in reality we aint never gonna change
displaying all the symptoms of a dying race, too busy stabbing in the back to take a look at the face

too blind to see it, i pray believe it
“I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f*ckin' mouth.” RIP
Http://www.Smash-it-up.tk
#2
Quote by damn-right!
Nine to five took up too much time
he's got champagne in the fridge that cost £1.95
Six kids, Seven debts, Eight ex wives
There's a fox in his henhouse with a gun and a knife
He's got a lust for beer and a passion for fags
He's a nasty bastard, been to prison, spits on tramps
Clutch every penny, cos they ain't plentiful


That last line could probably be taken out.


Thoughts on the whole piece: I personally HATE that rhyming scheme. When it gets to the point where almost every line rhymes with each other, it's too much. Other than that, well done

Crit 4 Crit? Link to Ascension Day is in my sig.
My guitar modification blog.
Quote by MuffinMan
Jesus was all like "To those about to rock, I salute you." then he grabbed his mighty axe and rocked the Romans out really hard. Of course they were strict classical music so....
#3
Quote by Black Star
Thoughts on the whole piece: I personally HATE that rhyming scheme. When it gets to the point where almost every line rhymes with each other, it's too much. Other than that, well done

Crit 4 Crit? Link to Ascension Day is in my sig.



will hop right to it!

The rhyme scheme is like that simply to make it easier to sing! Its sang at a fairly good speed and the continuous rhyming makes it slightly easier on the tongue! Perhaps check out the recording to see how it works? Thankyou for your comments
“I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f*ckin' mouth.” RIP
Http://www.Smash-it-up.tk
#4
Quote by damn-right!
will hop right to it!

The rhyme scheme is like that simply to make it easier to sing! Its sang at a fairly good speed and the continuous rhyming makes it slightly easier on the tongue! Perhaps check out the recording to see how it works? Thankyou for your comments


Listening to it, it does sound a lot better than what the lyrics here show. I'm still not a fan of the rhyming, but it works.
My guitar modification blog.
Quote by MuffinMan
Jesus was all like "To those about to rock, I salute you." then he grabbed his mighty axe and rocked the Romans out really hard. Of course they were strict classical music so....
#5
^
that guy says most of it
the rhyming scheme is choppy
but it has some good ideas in it
oh and i listened to the recording and the singing is kinda monotone (like your bored)


c4c
"palace of pop"
VVVV
#6
Quote by guitaruboy
^
that guy says most of it
the rhyming scheme is choppy
but it has some good ideas in it
oh and i listened to the recording and the singing is kinda monotone (like your bored)


c4c
"palace of pop"
VVVV



Do you mean the male vocals or the female vocals? The male vocals are meant to be as you put it "bored" since the song is supposed to reflect the monotony of modern society. The female vocals (mine) arent meant to be monotone!

I'm not sure what you mean about the rhyme scheme being choppy-could you elaborate?
“I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f*ckin' mouth.” RIP
Http://www.Smash-it-up.tk
#7
Thanks for the crit. I really appreciate it. I agree that the "Clutch every penny..." line should be dropped. I also like the humor of this piece. Most pieces that try to be funny just sound dumb, but this one was really good. I especially enjoyed reading the stanza about the woman and thought that the first two line were excellent. However, I wasn't too fond of the "she's the chawiest..." line. Maybe you could say something along the lines about how there's nothing there, nothing behind the make-up. Anyways, great job, man.
#8
haha yeah i agree with the chavviest lyrics, how ever at the time we were overcome with childlike glee at inserting a word that isnt actually existant outside modern day slang!

What does anyone think of the two vocals on the recording?
“I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f*ckin' mouth.” RIP
Http://www.Smash-it-up.tk
#9
Thanks for the crit on mine.

It reminds me of a dirtier version of McFly. It's not a bad thing, it's just really... surprising. It sounds a lot better than it reads, but it'd be great if the lyrics could be as good as the music. The last line seems out of place, but other than that it's pretty good .
Can't say I was never wrong
But some blame rests on you


Work and play they're never okay
To mix the way we do
#10
Mcfly? Perhaps one of the more obscure comparisons we've ever had but i appreciate your comments nonetheless.
“I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f*ckin' mouth.” RIP
Http://www.Smash-it-up.tk