#1
crit4crit

Slice of Heaven

You’re like a black hole,
Sucking out every memory and every face,
And leaving yourself in their place.

So I’m left with nothing else,
But my memories of you,
And to tell the truth,
Not all of them are, little slices of heaven.

But I’m happy to say,
That you’re not here to stay,
So pack your bags, and be on your way.

So I’m left with nothing else,
But memories of someone new,
And to tell the truth, they came closer,
To a little slice of heaven, then you ever could.

I can thank you for one thing,
The lessons I’ve learned
Will keep me from,
Making the same mistakes,
Once again.

So I’m left with nothing else,
But lessons taught by you,
And to tell the truth,
They’ll get me that little slice of heaven.

That little slice of heaven I’ve always wanted.
ED REED BABY
#2
I really like this song

I like the way the chorus changes, it represents the passin of time and maturity..

I think the chorus is the best part..

Im not sure, but i think that the first verse might be a bit harsh.. Maybe thats how you wanted it..

The rhyming in the second verse seemed a bit forced, but it still delivered the message.. It just the rhyming scheme AAAA is a little bit annoying

Overall.. This is a good peice with potential..

Please crit mine
http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=636322
The times are changing
#3
i liked the whole idea yuo created and the overall tone, the writing was ok but i must agree - some things were forced and the ryhme scheme made me cuckoo, but other than that its a great peice
#4
Yeah, it did sound a bit forced, but I liked your use of words. However, as people have said before me, your rhyme scheme was a bit strange. Overall, it was a pretty good piece. 3 1/2 out of 5 stars.
SAVE THE JAZZ

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