#1
Just What You Dont Want

The past will take us back
just like you were before the mass
now the fireplace is enclosed in glass
forever to stay, forever to last

Its hard enough to stay calm
Knowing exactly whats going on
We feel the air on either side
We hear it all the time but we never hear the lies

Alone with a broken heart
If he's here to heal then why doesn't he start


building a pyramid of scemes
stacking up every single block
the royalty buried underneath
doesn't make it everything it seems

Add a brick everytime we talk
make it quick and i'll think
build the walkway first
add the art last

Alone with a broken heart
If he's here to heal then why doesn't he start


I must have lost half of my mind
after all the searching and the cursing
this is what i find

Within reach all along
Every singer will find his song
Mend your broken heart
He's just here to watch you start.

do you want to try harder this time?
or would you rather take a break to whine?
speeed killz
#2
Not bad. It was very catchy. In the future I would label the different sections in your song. Like verse 1 chores so on. Only thing for me was I really didn't get what it was about. But hey great job.


If you get the chance could you tell me what you think of my songs. Thanks
#3
i really liked this, i can really understand the meaning of the song and it gave me this beautifully scary image in my mind, others might find something wrong in a high technical writing sense but i like it the way it is, nice work
#4
Thanks for the replys. Its definantly not written in a standard song format. Its more of a buildup to the end. I wasn't really thinking of anything technical when I wrote it, just letting it flow and thinking about the meaning.
speeed killz