#1
I threw this together in about 20 minutes and it for sure needs a lot of work i think but i'll post it here anyways. It's gonna be kind of dallas green-ish probably.

I am not scared,
storms never last,
our love will become greater
after the winds have passed

Are these the words of an optimist?
Or the truth rolling off my lips
I believe that this is truth I speak
And I’d be lost without you with me

For each thought of you with me
I whisper a quiet prayer,
I pray for you and I pray for me,
And I say how much I care

But I'm not scared,
storms never last,
our love will become greater
after the winds have passed

Are these the thoughts of an optimist
Am I blinded by false hope
I pray these words are more than dreams
Cause I’d be lost without you with me

So stay ,
Yea stay here now
Don’t go,
Don’t leave me now
In this storm
nothing to see here
#2
I didn't like the last bit. The

So stay
Yea stay here now


Aside from that I liked. It had nice fluidity, and some fairly nice imagery. I would change the third line of the first verse though...I dunno there is just something about it that just dosen't work.


https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=639795

There be mine if you would be so kind as to crit it
"Imagine all the people, sharing all the world"
-John Lennon
#3
I am not scared,
storms never last,
our love will become greater
after the winds have passed


I liked this as an opener. The theme is good, if not a little overworked.


Are these the words of an optimist?
Or the truth rolling off my lips
I believe that this is truth I speak
And I’d be lost without you with me

I thought the third line there was a little forced, and I wasn't really a fan of the last line. The first two were good, I could only suggest altering the last two a little.

For each thought of you with me
I whisper a quiet prayer,
I pray for you and I pray for me,
And I say how much I care

I didn't like this section at all. I thought that the rhyming was forced and childish sounded, and kind of damaged the mood of the piece. Sounded too nursery rhyme-y for my tastes . Maybe you could use some more complex rhyme there to improve it ?

But I'm not scared,
storms never last,
our love will become greater
after the winds have passed

Are these the thoughts of an optimist
Am I blinded by false hope
I pray these words are more than dreams
Cause I’d be lost without you with me

So stay ,
Yea stay here now
Don’t go,
Don’t leave me now
In this storm

I wasn't massively impressed by these last four lines as they were written down (I would omit the "Yea") but I thought that they could be really strong when actually heard as part of a song. Particularly as you said you were going for a Dallas Green-type sound. I can see this working really well as a climax to the song, particularly "don't leave me now, in this storm" (if not a little cliched).



Please crit mine if you get the chance.
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=640404
There is poetry in despair.
#4
thanks...yea looking over it i definitely could change it alot, which i will do.
nothing to see here