#1
He doesn't mean that much to your pretty face
He knows it but he won't accept it
Such lies that we tell ourselves aren't to keep us safe
But to give us something to fall back on when we're hurt
"I knew this would happen, I was stupid, why didn't you tell me?"
I did, you asshole, in fact, I even went through it before you did
First hand experience is always more important, unless
You are you, your self obnoxious, unregarded self
I pity you, my friend, I pity your arrogance
For once I was that arrogant, then I met her...
And God rest my soul, it made me rest on his
_____________________________________________________

I'm not sure how many of you do this, but I sometimes just close my eyes and let my fingers type/write and use the words that form in my mind (I call it a FreeFlow, or freeflowing, whichever is necessary). They form thick and fast and when I do this it's completely different to how I write songs or my normal poetry (I try and stick to a pattern, structure, rhyme scheme, something that makes me finish the piece), it's as if when I write like this (freeflowing) I'm letting out an actual part of me, cliche much? Anyway, that's what I've been doing lately, I wrote four poems like this (different topics) in less than an hour last night and I'll slowly post them, let me know what you think (plus anyone else who writes like this I suppose :p)

Cheers

Matt
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
#2
It's an interesting read. Good job.
Can't say I was never wrong
But some blame rests on you


Work and play they're never okay
To mix the way we do
#3
i do these occasionally myself, although theyre usually a lot less coherent for me, so they dont end up as poem themselves, but sometimes starting points for poems.
anyways, i liked this. in this kind of writing, you have to rely more on coming off in a very sincere and honest way as opposed to complex metaphores and what not, which i think you did pretty well. a couple small crits:
"Such lies that we tell ourselves aren't to keep us safe"
im not sure, but i tihnk "aren't meant to keep us safe" or something along those lines would make more sense grammatically
"First hand experience is always more important, unless
You are you, your self obnoxious, unregarded self"

i'm not sure how this shoud be worded, but to me "unless you are you" just doesnt sound right. i wouldnt know what to do with it myself, it just sounds weird to me
and i didnt really notice anything else at the moment. pretty good
#4
thanks Sjada, the "such lies we tell ourselves aren't to keep us safe" line is one i'll look at as well as the other bit, this is an unedited piece that I put up, thanks for your help, want me to check a piece of yours?

Thanks, anymore?
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."