#1
Fake Tan

Verse 1

Me and some friends walk into the place
and i stumble upon you and your face
with those blue eyes and that blond hair
All i can do is stare

Chorus

What did you do to be with me
nothing wrong with you i see
did you rob a bank
are you a man
no just a fake tan

Verse 2

i walked on over to buy you a drink
but your so beautiful that i cant think
well that one drink turned to 3 or 4
and now where on my kitchen floor

Chorus

Solo

Chorus

Verse 3

well its been a month or maybe two
and i think i may be in love with you
now i've got a itch and so do my friends
i guess this is how our story ends

Constructive criticism please
#2
and now where on my kitchen floor


I'm sure you sing this correctly, but it's spelled "we're" (short for "we are"), not where.

All i can do is stare


Too short of a line, needs more syllables, unless you're planning on dragging "stare" into "sta-a-a-re", which I think would work well.
#3
Yea my grammar is on par with a four year old and i do drag out stare for a while
#5
You need very much more out of this song. It is like a cliché that's been written to write something. And i am not sure what you are trying to send as a message. Overall it is a superficial lovesong. But in the chorus, you sing something about "Fake Tan", which is, after my opinion, something bad that only give the expression of the outer instead of the inner person.
The rhyming is abit to obvious. like.. Man-tan, four- kitchen floor. You can guess the next word.
The two last lines in third verse really confuses me, because it is like you want this song to end, so you throw in a rhyme so it ends it all.

If you want the feeling of being in love out. Try to get you chosen music instrument out, or just a melody in your head. Think of a girl you really got a crush on, or your girlfriend. Then start writing (With the melody playing in the back of your head) about how this girl makes you feel. Just keep writing 'till you have squeezed the last word out about this girl, then sit down and look at the lines. Rewrite some, choose a new word for some lines to make them rhyme more. And when you're done, try to think up a master chorus, because this is what most people will remember the song by. Either something that really nails your feelings, or something easy and simple that people can sing along with.

Of course if this song is meant as a sarcastic song, who is sung with some agressive means. Then i think it's O.K. but else. Keep it up It ain't critisism, it's me trying to help you down the road :P
#6
It's alright. Kind of bland and repetitive though.
SAVE THE JAZZ

"Remember, there are two kinds of people in the world:
People who finish things, and"
#7
I must admit, I was very skeptical opening a song called "Fake Tan". I still think that's a little weak as a lyrical hook, but in general, it looks like a nice, simple, fun, enjoyable song. What do those last two lines of the third verse mean? That was the only part I didn't get right away. What does the music sound like?

If you'd like to crit one of mine, there's a link in my sig.
Death to Ovation haters!