#1
ok, i didnt spend much tiem writing it, so dont be too harsh?

Save Us

Verse 1:

Anger boils inside of my mind,
Hatred towards all of mankind.
I scream and scream,
But nobody hears these cries!

Chorus:

I'm locked in my own cage
Filled of rage and sorrow,
Agony completed the tapestry
Of the life and misery i borrow.


If there is a god, would he save us now?
the answer is no my friend,
he would watch till our end.
salvation is far from our reach...

Verse 2:

I've cried out for help so long,
I have become weak and have fallen
You may not feel the depth of the song.
But you must know there is no haven?!

My soul becomes cold and ices over.
And time ticks by, slower and slower.
In my confusion i have reached out to him,
only to find more pain waiting on the other end...

But nobody hears these cries!

Chorus:

I'm locked in my own cage
Filled of rage and sorrow,
Agony completed the tapestry
Of the life and misery i borrow.

If there is a god, would he save us now?
the answer is no my friend,
he would watch till our end.
salvation is far from reach...

I've cried out for help so long,
I have become weak and have fallen
You may not feel the depth of the song.
But you must know there is no haven?!

Verse 3:

Running out if things to say,
but who needs this life anyway??
you have taken all i have believed in.
so now im going to take back whats mine.

If you are out there now,
please! redeem youself,
and save us all from misery and hell.
the damage is done, i wish you a fond farewell...

But nobody hears these cries!

Chorus x2:

I'm locked in my own cage
Filled of rage and sorrow,
Agony completed the tapestry
Of the life and misery i borrow.

If there is a god, would he save us now?
the answer is no my friend,
he would watch till our end.
salvation is far from our reach...


SAVE US!
SAVE US!
OH PLEASE,OH PLEASE!
SAVE US ALL!
#2
That was awsome. It had a great massage and it flowed well. The only thing I would change is make the first verse longer and mabey think about putting in a pre-chorus. But its great just the same.Great Job

If you get the chance could you tell what you think of my songs. Thanks
#3
FIrst of all thanx for the crit on my piece. I overall liked the flow and rythym I got from your lyrics. You didnt overuse rhyme too much except in one part of the chorus:
I'm locked in my own CAGE
Filled of RAGE and SORROW,
AGONY completed the TAPESTRY
Of the life and misery i BORROW.

But overall it was a very good piece of work.