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I dont ever recall seeing this thread, so lets hear them. I dont hafve any cause i dont do that stuff.
A lot, but I'd say pissing on the cars at a Mercedes garage was the best.

I also got with a fat lass :[
It wasn't really funny, but last night I got stoned/pissed and had three crazy, vivid dreams. I can sort of remember them.

It was mental.
Me and my friend got baked on the shore of the ocean when we went to Nova Scotia, and we saw a crab and it ran at my friend. We flipped out and laughed all night at it. Countless other funny things happened that night too, but I can't remember.
for some reason me and a few friends met up with some of the white girls who were at the projects..anyway i was drunk and god bless america and the national anthem just came blurting out.

that was recent so it came to mind first
cheers betch
Actually, now that i think of it, I do recall a Hogmanay party where we did some Scottish country dancing to Skid Row. In a really tiny flat.
When me and my mates hot boxed a phone box, the whole thing was coated in smoke, then most of the glass smashed =/

I was stoned and was chasing this goose, and my friend was like "COGGINS..STOP FUCKING CHASING THAT GOOSE. And a police car went passed, staring at me.

I found a paddle, while I was stoned, and was walking along with it, scraping the ground in front of me. I didn't see a manhole cover and it got stuck and i walked into the paddle and it rammed into my balls. Painful.

When I was drunk at my sisters, she put make-up on me, and I went to the neighbors house next door at like one in the morning and shouted "STRIPPER!!". They were in their eighties, I think. Not amused apparently.
I told my friend, "hey man, I can ollie really well when I'm drunk." We're haulin' ass back from Starbucks, I try to ollie and eat sh*t badly. I guess I don't ollie really well when I'm drunk.
Quote by denizenz
I'll logic you right in the thyroid.

Art & Lutherie
I called my friend a Jew, I did not know he would not particularly love it
Well..last week I spend the night in jail.
Not really very funny. Sucked big time
I actually blacked out due to prescription medication.

Funny stuff? hmmm.
Had sex with some fat ugly girl probably.
haha the funniest bloody thing i done while i was pissed and high was when i took a dumb on some arse holes ute and i took a long ****ing terd on the windscreen and let it slow slide down the f***er
I kissed a girl i know thats a total slut
One more reason for me to stay away from alcohol....!
i swung from a chandelier yelling "im tarzan"
"...silence and screams are the end of my song..."
Victor Jara
i did loads i gave these kids a rock lecture outside a pub when i was pissed!
Quote by JamieB
Because all TRUE GUITARISTS know what PLUGINCHILD looks like, DUUUUH!

I want it now, and i want you NOW! give me your heart and your soul!
Hmm... This is going a while back, but I'll see if I can recollect most of it.

After a few buddies and I had found this nice, calm spot in the woods, we decided to have a nice smoke. I'd have an aneurysm if I tried to remember how much we smoked, but it was quite a bit of weed, Salvia, and a mix of the two.

After we were done, we got bored so we started running through the woods, chasing our shortest friend and saying "Catch the Hobbit! Don't let him get away!!" We must have run for at least half a mile before we got out of the woods. Someone got a call from some of our friends, and they were in a park near us. So of course we did the natural thing and sprinted our asses off, yelling like idiots. Watching some people jumping fences was never so funny.

When we got there, we were all still being stupid, one of us picked someone else up in their arms, took them a few feet away, and dropped them flat on the ground. The rest of the day is pretty hazy, I don't even know how I got home. 'Twas a good day.
Quote by Jesus Himself Christ
You know, you're one pretty cool guy, Kylster.

Please click this and critique some little ditties I done madeified myselfins!
Once, I was high off my ass, so I went to Meijer's, and laughed at the air conditioners for like an hour.
I ran full pelt and jumped full pelt into glass doors by accident when I was really pissed at my friends party.

Various kissing of ugly chicks, and various other stupid things while drunk.

Quote by dogismycopilot
Absent Mind, words cant express how much i love you. Id bone you, oh yea.

Quote by lumberjack
Absent Mind is, as usual, completely correct.

Quote by littlemurph7976
Id like to make my love for Neil public knowledge as he is a beautiful man
I was at a club, dancing, when the ugliest chick i ever saw (I know she was ugly coz i remember from earlier in the night) came up to me and started making out. After a while, I started fingering her on a ledge overlooking the dancefloor while everyone was watching

I would have regretted it if it hadn't been so awesome (coz she was so ****ing ugly).
Q about tube amps:
Quote by steven seagull
Can I save money by using lightbulbs instead of tubes - will energy saving lightulbs last even longer?

Quote by †øXÍÇ͆¥
I'm not trying to look open minded, in fact I try not to be open minded.
I hate people who are overly open minded.
I was drunk and high one time, and my freind and I walked up to mcdonalds, got up to the counter, and the lady asked us what we wanted. We both looked at each other and started cracking up nonstop for about 10 minutes.
Quote by ShaunFrusciante
bignuts20 the name says it all

Quote by SailorJeff
You can sig me all you want but I still have a small penis.

R.I.P. James "The Rev" Sullivan
I pissed on the coffee table in my friend's living room. He was not happy but he threw up on me the night before so he had it coming.
Member #21 of the IRON MAIDEN ARE GODS club. PM Revelations to join
SRV+Rory Gallagher>All

Quote by willpulman_172
powerslave756 speaks the truth.


Me and my friend shat on the side of the road while pissed and then rubbed it onto this Jeep's windscreen, my friend (connor) calls himself the Conman and therefore wiped his shit into the shape of a "C" to abbreviate Conman. I can only imagine the guy's face when he woke up in the morning, to go to work, and found Human shit covering his windscreen.

I got a blowjob off of this girl while my girlfriend was asleep in the same room, about 2 feet away. The girl then tried to put my hand down her panties, but I was really too tired and not atall turned on, so I said I went to get a drink and slept on the kitchen floor.

I got so wasted that I threw up into my toilet for about 20 minutes, realised I'd be there for a while, so got my iPod and rocked out for a bit whilst hurling.
Last edited by skagitup at Aug 16, 2007,

i was so stoned once i drunk 1/2 a bottle of maple syrup

i was so stoned once in Amsterdam my friend and i spent £30 in Mcdonalds

i was so drunk once this fat chick started coming onto me on my mates living room couch, all his friends woke up with me and my dick hanging out, they all laughed because she was so fat and called her kit kat (4 fingers)

I was so stoned once i told everyone i had seen the light, because someone had a roman nose, i realisd that genetics were the hand of god

i was so drunk once, i crapped my pants in a friends flat. I thew the stool out the bathroom window but didnt realise there was a trainstation below. I stood for 20 mins waiting for a train stinking of **** and everyone around in suits looking at me
Something that happened to some friends.
Just to make things clear before that
Gorda = Fat woman in Spanish
Gorra = Hat in Spanish. But it's also a way to call the cops

So my friends were drunk walking in the street, when they see a fat chick walking over there. So they yell at her "Shiity gorda!"
The cop thinks that they said "Shiity gorra!". I don't think that it's necessary to say that the cops in Argentina are quite corrupt.
He kicked my pals asses. He kicked them hard...

Last edited by urik at Aug 16, 2007,
Once I got really drunk and tried to make a water pistol shoot fire by putting gasoline into it. When that didn't work, we dumped the gas onto the driveway and dropped the match into it. We stared at the pretty light for a few seconds before trying to put it out with a hose.. fun times...
It was the first time I got high. Me and my friends were going to a concert, then we found out they ran out of tickets... so we used our money to buy some pot.
Afterwards we were driving home when we started thinking of ways to rob a Taco Bell. We got to Taco bell and totally forgot the plan.

So we got some burritos.
I normally try and go to sleep high. which means i will smoke in my room (fun you should try it). I also sleep naked so u can probably tell where this is going. I was blaised as **** listening to grateful dead in my room just being a teenager. I still had the window open cause i was planning to kill a lung tonight. Then my mom knocked on my door (which was locked thank god) yelling for me to come out. Of course i just opened the door completely with me naked obviously high as hell standing right in front of her. She just looks at me in disgust and tells me if she ever catches me smoking in my room again she is gonna tell the police and my dad.

needless to say it was funny as **** for me and probably terrifying for my mom
I LIKE Josh Klinghoffer

"Mr. Lippman of the Seinfeld Avatar Club-PM IHATECHILDREN to join."

Frusciante for President in '08
Last edited by Slim_bob.Billy at Aug 16, 2007,
Oh, reminds me, the first time i got high on pot(I'm not a smoker, I only tried it a couple of times almost a year ago), i was so ****ing high I thought I was sitting in "the circle" in that 70s show, and all my friends were the characters in the show. I also performed live as the lead singer in GnR (the old one, with slash and adler and stradlin) in front of thousands of people. That was awesome. The 3 times i tried it after that, though, it wasn't anything special, so yeah... I didn't try no more. I figured, if i didn't enjoy it then, why keep smoking until i started liking it too much?
Q about tube amps:
Quote by steven seagull
Can I save money by using lightbulbs instead of tubes - will energy saving lightulbs last even longer?

Quote by †øXÍÇ͆¥
I'm not trying to look open minded, in fact I try not to be open minded.
I hate people who are overly open minded.
Lets see here.

- Run naked in the street because I was dared to.
- Run naked in the hallways for 5$, which I never got.
- Have a boxing match.
- Open random apartment doors and put sausages on people's tables.
- Throw empty bottles at people walking on the side walk from the 7th floor and yelling "Run Forest! Run!" and watch them run across the street.

There's probably a lot more that I forgot but here's the funniest one. It was around 2:30am and we decided to go eat at McDonalds. It was a weird night some guy was insulting some hot chick that worked there just for the fact that she works there, to pay for College which is stupid of the guy. Everyone in the restaurant, like 25 people, kept screaming at the guy to shut the hell up and GTFO. Some guy got up and punched him in the stomach and threw him out and everyone applauded.

Then some guy comes to see us at our table saying he wanted to bang some chick and needed some ideas on how to get her. A friend of mine proposed to give her flowers or something, how would he get any? We didn't know we were pretty drunk and saying crap. So I proceeded to rip out pieces of paper in the shape of flowers from the paper bags and stuck a straw through it. All my friends thought it was a great idea and did the same thing. He ended up with like 10 stupid "flowers" and the guy must have taken pretty strong **** because he actually went to give them to the chick. We laughed so much we cried. Then the girl comes to us and swears she doesn't know the guy. I never saw someone so embarrassed in my life. We still laugh about it today.
Quote by joeyj123
I am in awe of your sizzling wit. please, accept this congratulatory e-cookie, and accompanying basket.
I sat on the my friend's living room (on the floor) put a plastic bucket on my head and started singing Kumbaya when i was drunk, my friends recorded it and I saw it the next morning, I laughed so much I almost **** myself.
Well tonight we smashed the f**k outta a speed sign or two, broke into a buildin site and went through all the nrarly complete houses lookin for **** to sell and wound up with a few danger sings and a gash on my chin =/
Quote by ep1kz
wtf? why didnt you punch one of them in the face or something? they're not girls, they are fat chavs, they are their own gender
I got ****faced and I had nowhere to go for the night. I couldn't sneak back in my house and my friends said I was too drunk and would wake up their parents. To make the story short I'll just say I ended up sleeping in the burned down remains of a house.
Colnel Claypool's Bucket of Bernie Brains

Quote by larry jones
I don't put people's quotes in my sig, but this would go there if I did.
Me and 3 friends were getting really high ontop of the school (yes, literally on the roof) at like 2 AM. Obviously this is not the brightest idea, seeing how its lit and there are several houses in perfect view of the roof, but never the less we continue. Soon, on the road under the other side of the roof we see a cop car flashing its lights and driving to our side. Naturally, we freak the **** out, panic, yell loudly and twice nearly fall off the roof trying to get away, eventually climbing down and running accross a field. Halfway across the field, there happens to be, of all things, a ****ing deer just randomly standing there. And in the midst of our excape, we stand there for what seemed like 5 minutes stairing at this deer as a cop car circles the field looking for us. It was really surreal.
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