#1
Apathy

As I look through this window and see
It seems everywhere I look someone soon will bleed
Disregard to the gift in the lowest way shape or form
Everything so screwed up like a horrifying storm

So as I pass along, observing with dismay
I realize all these people will have little price to pay
Cus one heart is ignored, the other is shattered with pain
The blood soaking the streets is forgotten and washed away with rain

Just another rung on the ladder for some
And to escape their sad lives, they only need a cold gun
A broken bone will heal, a scrape is okay
Someone blown away just cus theyre not the same

I'm a common man alone in this world
It's society's fault, to never be told
He destroyed them all, with a tool made for death
And the best response for this is “until justice is served, we will never rest”

Just another rung on the ladder for some
And to escape their sad lives, they only need a cold gun
A broken bone will heal, a scrape is okay
Someone blown away just cus theyre not the same

So look away, it wont be okay
So look away, it wont be the same
So look away, it will be washed away
Friends alive but dead the next day
Welcome To The End My Friend, The Sky Has Opened
#2
As I look through this window and see
It seems everywhere I look someone soon will bleed
Disregard to the gift in the lowest way shape or form
Everything so screwed up like a horrifying storm
meh. this verse is mediocre. the ending of the first line that is "see" is abrupt and doesnt make sense to me. the second line is too drawn out, too long to flow
perfectly.


So as I pass along, observing with dismay
I realize all these people will have little price to pay
Cus one heart is ignored, the other is shattered with pain
The blood soaking the streets is forgotten and washed away with rain
sorry man. these rhymes are bland, boring and all that. it seems you put dismay and pain in the first two lines jsut to fit the rhyme. flow is pretty good here.

Just another rung on the ladder for some
And to escape their sad lives, they only need a cold gun
A broken bone will heal, a scrape is okay
Someone blown away just cus theyre not the same
eh. first line, good, second line, forced. the flow breaks up too. the last two lines are okay.
I'm a common man alone in this world
It's society's fault, to never be told
He destroyed them all, with a tool made for death
And the best response for this is “until justice is served, we will never rest”
i'd scrap this whole verse, its just not good imo.

Just another rung on the ladder for some
And to escape their sad lives, they only need a cold gun
A broken bone will heal, a scrape is okay
Someone blown away just cus theyre not the same

So look away, it wont be okay
So look away, it wont be the same
So look away, it will be washed away
Friends alive but dead the next day
<b>not a bad ending.</b>


Well, i assume this is going to be a metal song? or hard rock? anyway. i just couldnt get into this piece, imagery was bland, the flow was broken up, and the rhyme scheme was boring. sorry man.
mind checking mine? links in my sig.