#1
i wrote this and recorded it a few months ago, tell me what you guys think of the lyrics...they kind of syncopate with the music, it might make more sense if you heard it, but still tell me what you think


i've been looking for a place where i belong
but the only comfort i find, is in this song
i've been trying hard not to get it all wrong
but my excuses take way too long

so bend me, shape me, into what you think i should be
take me, break me, maybe then you'll be happy
do i make you ashamed?

*im not worth a minute of your time,
cause im not even pretty on the inside
to them, i wanna know
what does it take to survive in your mind?

everyone's a critic im too analytic, skeptical
forward-thinking and misleading, self-inflicted radical
call me crazy and just maybe you'll appear a little less crass
doesnt mean a thing to me my god could totally kick your god's ass

oh, did that cross the line?
take a deep breath, i promise you'll be fine
you can hate me, degrade me, ill still want you to be happy...
do i say what you cannot?

*im not worth a minute of your time,
cause im not even pretty on the inside
to them, i wanna know
what does it take to survive in your mind?

this distance is not what we need, oh so wont you sing with me...
#3
I think its a really good bit of writing, but the vocabulary gets a bit boring sometimes. I really didn't dig the opening two lines and I was prepared to dislike the whole thing, but it got alot better after that, so maybe change the first two lines? I don't know. I've heard "comfort in this song" a million times man.

I loved the bit in the chorus "take me, break me". BUT i thought the "be, happy" rhyme was really unimaginative, i'm sure you could do better than that man surely.

"everyone's a critic im too analytic, skeptical
forward-thinking and misleading, self-inflicted radical
call me crazy and just maybe you'll appear a little less crass
doesnt mean a thing to me my god could totally kick your god's ass"

That's great writing, so much better than the opening lines.

I really dig this i think it could be a great piece with a bit more touching up.

Great work man.

(feel free to crit myn [in sig] if you can)
#4
i've been looking for a place where i belong
but the only comfort i find, is in this song
i've been trying hard not to get it all wrong
but my excuses take way too long

Like Skag said, I wasn't really prepared to like the song after those first two lines, but I really did. In fact, I wasn't a huge fan of this opener as a whole, I thought it was a little to 'easy' of you know what I mean.

so bend me, shape me, into what you think i should be
take me, break me, maybe then you'll be happy
do i make you ashamed?

I didn't really see it as 'be' rhyming with 'happy'. Was it your intention to make those rhyme or not? Because I thought you didn't intend it, which is better IMO. I liked these lines much better than the last.

*im not worth a minute of your time,
cause im not even pretty on the inside
to them, i wanna know
what does it take to survive in your mind?

This is where the song starts to pick up, in my opinion. I like the "I'm not even pretty on the inside" part, I thought that worked well, really introduced a feeling of alienation. I also loved the last line, the use of the question was perfect, I thought.

everyone's a critic im too analytic, skeptical
forward-thinking and misleading, self-inflicted radical
call me crazy and just maybe you'll appear a little less crass
doesnt mean a thing to me my god could totally kick your god's ass

The first two lines here are fantastic, I think. I wasn't sure about 'self-inflicted radical', but I loved how frantic those lines were. I didn't like the second two though, the last one was immature and weak in my eyes, and the third line seemed like it was created simply to allow the fourth line to rhyme with it. The ehythm doesn't really work in those two lines either I don't think.


oh, did that cross the line?
take a deep breath, i promise you'll be fine
you can hate me, degrade me, ill still want you to be happy...
do i say what you cannot?

I liked the conversational tone of the first line, and the general meaning and tone of this section in general. I like your use of rhyme, despite it's simplicity, because I don't think you overdo it.

*im not worth a minute of your time,
cause im not even pretty on the inside
to them, i wanna know
what does it take to survive in your mind?

this distance is not what we need, oh so wont you sing with me...

I liked this last line, good finisher. I thought that the internal rhyme worked really well
and the general sentiment was a great way to close the song.



Overall, I enjoyed this. The theme wasn't too original but I liked your approach to it, and a lot of the vocab worked really well. Good job.
There is poetry in despair.