#1
Hello,
This is another short thing I wrote few min. ago. I think this is much better than my last piece I posted. Hope you like it.


A dark spiral
Whirling and twirling
Heading into nothing(I might replace this line with "Like a sick merry-go-round")
Heading into cheap amusement
And self abuse

I'm leaving the light
Entering the dark
This isn't the right way
Not down this path
Will I find peace

NO!
I refuse to live here
Not in this dark void
Where I survive
From high to high

It's not to late
I can still change
I don't want to live like this
I don't want to be this monster
Won't you help me?

No you won't
Cause it wont help you
No benefits from me
Some friend...
Self centered *****

I don't want your help
It's now tainted
With lies and deceit
I can do this
Make it right myself

Tell me what you think C4C
#2
I personally found this beyond angst. It's very poorly written. I think it's overly cliche and it tends to borderline near sociopathic instead of insightful. You give the reader nothing here and instead just blatently shout vague phrases that have no bearing on the reader at all.

I'd suggest you make a personal connection to try and show how you feel through imagery and stories instead of just random angst filled rants.

Sorry if this was harsh, but I'd consider revising your plan of attack when it comes to writing.

Mine is in my signature, thanks in advance.