#1
Now that's what you call original
Cliche-free, copyrighted genius
Unsurpassed, unread, unknown
Totally and utterly invisible
That's me
Minus the good parts, if there is any


All I want to know
Is who you want me to be
Your ideals should be my muses
Tell me why we weigh our words
As if one look
One touch, will break this bond we seem to share
But that one look, that one touch,
Will bring me out of this phase,
I promise
Accept me
Please, is that too much to ask?

P.S
I can see your sarcasm
Making your words glitter with unwanted malice
Scattered like litter on a broken playground
Or my mind, which ever you prefer to vandalise more
Oh, the total irony of it all
But just read between my lines
And all will be revealed, if you look close enough

Thankyou, you hypocritical ignorant fool.
Thankyou, for not a single cent of time
Or hope.

You really need to work on your acceptances.


This is just a random thing I wrote a while ago, if it makes no sense, it's because I added extra bits just then and 'cause I was half asleep when I wrote it. I will do crit4crit, by the way.
#2
very well written.. not so sure if it would work for a song tho.. but yea, fantastic

DON'T MAKE ME DESTROY YOU!


___________________________________________________


TURN OFF YOUR MIND RELAX AND FLOAT DOWNSTREAM

Quote by Scumbag1792
My God, this must be the smartest/greatest guy ever.
#4
yea i thought so.. haha i dont really have anything to offer, so yeeaa *awkward silence* lol yea anyway good, honest writing and.. you deserve a pie

DON'T MAKE ME DESTROY YOU!


___________________________________________________


TURN OFF YOUR MIND RELAX AND FLOAT DOWNSTREAM

Quote by Scumbag1792
My God, this must be the smartest/greatest guy ever.
#7
Tear.

That was beautiful. Or something like that... Anyway, I loved it!

I can see your sarcasm
Making your words glitter with unwanted malice
Scattered like litter on a broken playground


That parts my favourite.

Anyway.. I've pretty much decided that I love you, your avatar, and your writing. So, marry me?
The only truly consistent people are dead people.

#8
If you're a guy, I don't see why not. If you're a chick....


Can't help you there.

Though, thanks for the crit.

Quote by ChordMonger
it seems more like a rant than a poem. teenage angst and mild self-hatred usually make for good stuff (not knocking them, but Nirvana).
hope whatever got you in the state to write this has worked itself out since them

~b


I'm usually like that, lol. Me against the world, and so on. But I appreciate the feedback.
#9
I like!

Lyrics is a no no.. but as a poem its one of the best i've read in a long time...

Lovely use of language and some awesome imagery...

I really do love it all... the best bits i feel thought are the first stanza/verse (which instantly grasped me to read more) and the last single line - good finish...

i know you said c4c but its hard to find any crits on this...

Here's my lyrics anyway...
*ESP Viper 400 (Olympic White)
*Marshall AVT275
*Boss GT-8
*Burns Red Special Replica (original colours)
*Marshall MG10CD
*Vox 10watt preamp (for creating Brian May replica sounds)
*Fender Squire Strat (red w/ white scratch plate) - My 1st
#10
Ugh, damn internet. I'll just condense everything I was going to say. This entire thing was brilliant. You are like the queen of sarcasm, honest to god. There are some brilliant one liners here as well -

Scattered like litter on a broken playground
Or my mind, which ever you prefer to vandalise more

Thankyou, for not a single cent of time
Or hope.

Them two are killers. The only thing i would change is

I can see your sarcasm
Making your words glitter with unwanted malice
Scattered like litter on a broken playground
Or my mind, which ever you prefer to vandalise more

to

I can see your sarcasm
The way you make your words glitter with unwanted malice
Scattered like litter on a broken playground
Or my mind, which ever you prefer to vandalise more

Other than that everything is perfect. I'd hate to be the person you are aiming this at. Thanks so much for the crit on mine too.
O! music: Click (Youtube)


^ Click to see an acoustic arrangement of Ke$ha's 'Your Love is my Drug' - everyone's favourite song.