#1
So oblivious to worry,
so ovlivious to fright
So oblivious to homework,
and killings in the night
I want to go to a time,
a time when I was nine

Something's wrong these days,
I wish that I was six again
Maybe I'd go out and
hang with some old time friends

I wish someone was here
I wish I wasn't alone
I know that it will happen
I know I just have to, but
I want to go to a time,
a time when I was nine

Something's wrong these days,
I wish that I was six again
Maybe I'd go out and
hang with some old time friends

I want to make it easier
I want to do myself some good
I know that I can do it
but I'd rather just go to a time,
a time when I was nine.

-------------------------------------

So what do you guys think? Thumbs up? or thumbs down?
Im just looking for some insight, critisize me all you want.
Proven facts:
Paris Hilton is flat
Zeppelin kicks ass
Fire is great-if you dont like it then you're gay
Guitar is the best thing ever invented

Member #6 of the "I ♥ Fire" Club.
#2
change it up a little, it is too simple all it seems that you are doing is going back and forth saying "i want to be 6, no i want to be 9"
make a statement in there
make it personal
#3
It depends. If you're doing like a pop-punk thing, that's cool. But judging by your apparent liking of Nirvana, something as menial as "homework" is kind of a no-no. If it's just a fun little tune, it works, but if you're going for something heartfelt and deep, you may want to include some more existential imagery. Just the way I'd approach it, anyway.
#4
i think that it does seem rather simple and repetitive. like chaingarden says, if it's just to mess around not for anything important, i guess it's up to you what you want to play. Not to be mean, but it's just really not all that great. As others have said in the past, "there are writings you post on blogs, and other writings you just save as a file in word." this would be one of those you would save in word. keep trying though man. could you crit either cold-hearted or over the seas? there in my sig.
#5
Yeah, I agree with you guys, its a little too simple, and redundant. To be honest with you, it took me about two seconds to write. I think ill write another some time today, and ill take my time with it.
Proven facts:
Paris Hilton is flat
Zeppelin kicks ass
Fire is great-if you dont like it then you're gay
Guitar is the best thing ever invented

Member #6 of the "I ♥ Fire" Club.