#1
yeah so i just wrote this.. wondering if anybody thinks its anygood at all or just garbage and im wasting my time... yeah this is only the first verse and chorus.. im also pretty sure that wont be the title, but i thought id put it there cuz it grabs attention, it grabbed yours didnt it? anyways...

?

I cant keep going on just like nothing is there,
You look like a pear,
Why dont you care?
I kind of think about it and i dont think its fair,
Theres food everywhere,
Why dont you share?

Shes holding on so tightly,
To somthing she don't need,
This display of affection,
It makes my eyes bleed,
The spiral of destruction,
I see as she walks by,
I hear the rain comming,
Shes got the thunder thighs
#2
pshhh at your title. On to the crit:

I cant keep going on just like nothing is there,
You look like a pear,
Why dont you care?
I kind of think about it and i dont think its fair,
Theres food everywhere,
Why dont you share?
Right...Try not to rhyme so much, all of it rhymes which makes it sound kind of icky. A clever placed inside rhyme(rhyming words on the same line) or just the subte: ABCA scheme will sound better. The theme of this is quite jumbled...


Shes holding on so tightly,
To somthing she don't need,---She doesn't would sound nicer.
This display of affection,
It makes my eyes bleed,
The spiral of destruction,
I see as she walks by,
I hear the rain comming,
Shes got the thunder thighs
Last line was funny but I dunno, this seems unrelated to the first bit. And you change person. First it's in first person and second it's in third. That knocked me off a bit at the beginning.

I will look over this properly when it's finished. For now just tell me what you think of untitled should be up at the top.
#3
"I cant keep going on just like nothing is there,
You look like a pear,
Why dont you care?
I kind of think about it and i dont think its fair,
Theres food everywhere,
Why dont you share?"

I love the last two lines, food everywhere, why don't you share. That's amazing writing. The "You look like a pear" actually made me laugh out loud, I don't know whether that's what you intended, but I like it. If you want to make it less humorous add an extra word, e.g you look just like a pear. It takes the bluntness and the humour away. Same thing with the thunder thighs line. Other than that I really liked it.

Great writing man I think you've got alot of potential, so you definitely weren't wasting your time.

Crit mine (in sig) if you can