#1
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied,
"When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of
vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervious I take a sip."
So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of
the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a
storm. Upon return to his office after mass he found the following note
on his door:

1) Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy,
Junior, and Spook.

8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say
he was stoned off his ass.

10) We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!

11) When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this
and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."

12) The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry".

13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks
for the grub, yeah God"

14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's,
not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

15) Don't refer to Jesus and the 12 disciples J.C. and the boys.

i found this on http://ifaq.wap.org/society/
sup?
#2
EDIT: I'm clearly in the minority here, I'll go sit in the corner and shut up.

*Goes and sits in the corner and shuts up*
Last edited by burningcowsrule at Aug 11, 2007,
#6
I laughed so hard I pooped a little. I definitely didn't expect that.

Quote by burningcowsrule
Phail...


Quote by p o e
lmfao man thats so sick and depraved and yet funny all at once

my hats off to you IbanezSA160, you have embodied the Pit into one little poem
Last edited by IbanezSA160 at Aug 11, 2007,
#7
Thank you
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You should be careful what you say. Some asshole will probably sig it.

Quote by Axelfox
Yup, a girl went up to me in my fursuit one time.

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I can fap to this. Keep going.
#8
First time I heard that, I laughed so hard I kicked the slate out of my cradle.
Is it a bad thing if one of your testicles is larger then the other two?
#10
thats excellent!
"Greased Up Deaf Guy" of the Family Guy Club
PM Jersey_Zombie to Join


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hi, my penis is 7cms erected and im 15. is that normal?


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#12
Quote by burningcowsrule
EDIT: I'm clearly in the minority here, I'll go sit in the corner and shut up.

*Goes and sits in the corner and shuts up*


I'll join you, he's just advertising this (possibly interesting, but against the rules) website.

*reported*
.Brand New.Bright Eyes.This Will Destroy You.

THRRRRRRRREADKILLER!
#13
Quote by Cpt.Jackass
I'll join you, he's just advertising this (possibly interesting, but against the rules) website.

*reported*

im not advertising i have to give credit to the site i got it from
sup?
#14
Quote by Cpt.Jackass
I'll join you, he's just advertising this (possibly interesting, but against the rules) website.

*reported*

I gotta disagree. I think he just put that at the end so he doesn't get a horde of people going "zOMGWTF J00 tOT4LLY STEALED THAT!!!11!!!"
#15
Quote by ldl67
im not advertising i have to give credit to the site i got it from

not really

*proceed*
Populus vult decipi. Decipiatur.

Quote by Mistress_Ibanez
It's can be a contraction and genitive case.

Quote by Mistress_Ibanez
If you cut down on these costs students won't learn so well, effecting the "quality"...
#17
Haha this was great.
Quote by Silent_Jester13
This is the biggest collection of ADD i've ever seen.
#18
Quote by (...)
Haha this was great.

this is the first thread people liked that i made
sup?
#20
Quote by ldl67
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied,
"When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of
vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervious I take a sip."
So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of
the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a
storm. Upon return to his office after mass he found the following note
on his door:

1) Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy,
Junior, and Spook.

8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say
he was stoned off his ass.

10) We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!

11) When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this
and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."

12) The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry".

13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks
for the grub, yeah God"

14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's,
not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

15) Don't refer to Jesus and the 12 disciples J.C. and the boys.

i found this on http://ifaq.wap.org/society/

I misread the url at first, and thought it said http://ifap.... and the rest.
#25
Quote by MightyAl
I misread the url at first, and thought it said http://ifap.... and the rest.



So did I...

I've read this before. Pretty funny though.
Spiral Out
#26
thats excellent, your deserve an award for posting it.
John Petrucci

The one and only god.
#27
The jokes feel forced and made-up, but I did like #15
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#30
Quote by primusfan


heard it before, but it's just as funny.

where did you hear it form?
sup?