#1
Im kinda new to writing songs , although ive been writing depressing poetry for 1 or 2 years. Im in a band i dont write the lyrics but i thought i'd give it a shot, because lyrtics have always been popping into my head i just never wrote them down
Dont be too harsh but plz gimme critisizm/ critisism because i want to know if im any good---- so here goes its about my experience with some girl that i really loved and still do- its called misery or sumin if you could help me with a title and tell me if i should consider using this song---


Misery
Verse 1
Living in my mind is mi-se-ry,
I loved her and she loved me.
But now she’s finishing what I be-gun,
All I want is my mistakes un-DONE!

Chorus
Coz’ girl, I need you here by my side!
I need you here to survive,
without you…
I’m dying inside.

Verse 2
Sleepless nights,
My thoughts trailing af-ter !you!
In a constant fight,
With depression and su-ic-ide
I caaaant puuull THROUGH!!!


Chorus
Coz’ girl, I need you here by my side!
I need you here to survive,
without you…
I’m dying inside.


Verse 3
Its all over,
We bear scars of our past.
But for me… the scar is everything but small!
So to you this is my final call,
Its over… YOU TOOK MY LIFE!!

Chorus

Chorus[ scream this chorus]
Coz’ girl, I need you here by my side!
I need you here to survive,
without you…
I’m dying inside.

[guitar does a repeated fading off effect( at the bottom)]


G ---0-0-4-0-5-5/-------
D--------------------------
A--------------------------
E---------------------------


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I know i changed the stanza size and rhyme scheme after verse 1 but sorry --yeh
anyway tell me what u think constructive criticism (yay i got the spelling right!!!! )
crit4crit


luv yas peeps
Last edited by Pools_of_pain at Aug 12, 2007,
#2
well it rhymes, and makes sense, so yeah not bad.


Just make a kickass riff to make it kickass overall
#3
kickass...has some sort of scheme, which is better than alot of songs on this board...
uber emo
not the most original song, though
#4
i dont like it personally because i hate emo and lyrics that are way to straightforward about love


but in unbiased opinions,not bad pretty good makes sense and a good pop song...
#5
I'm sorry but that needs a lot of work. Cliches are cluttering the whole thing but adding some similes and metaphors might make it sound a bit more unique. Like at least there's a tad of symbolism in Bullet's songs. This just sounds kind of overdone. But just keep it up and you'll see improvement.