#1
What you've done to me
Everything you've said
I await to hear
Your plead for absolution
I want to hear it tue
A sincere pardon
Awaits your transgressed soul
Else you'll be stuck in this loophole

I hope you're chocking on your guilt
I hope you're haunted by your demons
I hope you realise what you've done
I hope you burn up like the Sun

No matter what it is you say
The feeling never goes away
On either side of this hatred
We're both scarred deep
And the terrors of that night
What terrible actions
Lead to terrible conciquences
When your heart implodes
From the heavy load

Oh don't you see what you've done?
The devil awaits. Does the devil disapprove?
The devil is you.
And you shall be tortured, for one million years all-round
Until you finally, with your one last breath
Cough up a sincere apology

That realization of guilt you feel
That you shall never put things right
Shall now eat at what's left of
Your twisted battered soul
And make Hell's downpoor whole

To my Terrorist:
This is my bleakest 'Hello'
#2
the sun doesnt burn in a reflexive sense. that isnt helpful or worthwhile to observe. but if you're lucky, i might find something worthwhile to observe. this is just reserving a spot. or something. i dunno.
my name is matt. you can call me that if you like.
#3
The reason I wrote this poem wouldn't have considered the scientific or logical side of that line, it was just for a refference or similie. But thanks for the reply anyway.
#4
Good song. Creative. The only part I got hung up on was the
"The devil awaits. Does the devil disapprove?
The devil is you."
part. It seems very repetitive, and could be a little awkward. Then again, if its done right it could be a very powerful part.
#5
i guess my initial reply was a little hostile, and i've been trying to decide why that was. its not an awfully written poem. its not well written either. but its better than lots of things on here. i think that what it is, is that it doesnt dazzle with its poetic brilliance, but it doesnt compensate for that by being witty, or insightful, or fresh. i'm assuming you aren't actually talking about terrorists, which would make the problems even greater, and that actually you're using terrorist as a metaphor for a girl or something. its always about girls. but in that case, its a pretty extreme analogy to use. relationships are complex. so is terrorism i guess, but its not really treated as such in this poem, so its all just a bit like, yeah. this girl wasnt nice to you. itd be a bit more engaging if there was a little introspection in there, a little learning.

i dunno. it just doesnt make me feel like anything has been accomplished in the making of this poem.
my name is matt. you can call me that if you like.
#6
Quote by Gurgle!Argh!
i guess my initial reply was a little hostile, and i've been trying to decide why that was. its not an awfully written poem. its not well written either. but its better than lots of things on here. i think that what it is, is that it doesnt dazzle with its poetic brilliance, but it doesnt compensate for that by being witty, or insightful, or fresh. i'm assuming you aren't actually talking about terrorists, which would make the problems even greater, and that actually you're using terrorist as a metaphor for a girl or something. its always about girls. but in that case, its a pretty extreme analogy to use. relationships are complex. so is terrorism i guess, but its not really treated as such in this poem, so its all just a bit like, yeah. this girl wasnt nice to you. itd be a bit more engaging if there was a little introspection in there, a little learning.

i dunno. it just doesnt make me feel like anything has been accomplished in the making of this poem.

Actually, it's not written about a girl to me personally. It was written to be from the viewpoint of a person who was raped, or really about anything traumatic that a person has been through, but obviously, that wasn't too clear. And as for the fact that it's not very 'brilliant', I write to express and relieve myself, not to write the best poem.
I'm sorry if that came out at all rude, I didn't mean for it to.


...And for dragon77, thanks for your comment. I agree that some parts are a little repetative. I noticed that in writing, but I didn't want to change it at that moment.
#7
I hope you're chocking on your guilt
I hope you're haunted by your demons
I hope you realise what you've done
I hope you burn up like the Sun

i like the repetition here
with a little refinement in the other parts you have quite a nice piece here
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