#1
I have been silenced in black and white,
And I am stuck inside these words tonight
but all the meaning of them's been lost,
just like my love songs, that you have tossed away

There is nothing between me and you,
It's over, its done, and its through
Now I am moving on alone,
And now I have thrown you away

My life is so much better without you,
I am not trapped inside my self, anymore
I have refreshed myself, Im starting new,
I have opened a whole new world tonight

Tonight starts my life,
Im givin' it all I've got
Livin' with no fear
No regrets, its a fresh start
No one will control me,
And no one will decieve
I'll live life to its fullest,
I'll live life being me


Once I was silenced in black and white,
But im coming into color once again, tonight
New meaning is bringing me back sane,
As I start my whole new life today

Tonight starts my life,
Im givin' it all I've got
Livin' with no fear
No regrets, its a fresh start
No one will control me,
And no one will decieve
I'll live life to its fullest,
I'll live life being me
Being me
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Last edited by Fallen_Misery at Aug 15, 2007,
#2
I have been silenced in black and white,
And I am stuck inside these words tonight
but all the meaning of them's been lost,
just like my love songs, that you have tossed away
"tossed away" seems to ruin the flow, maybe just "tossed"

There is nothing between me and you,
It's over, its done, and its through
Now I am moving on alone,
And now I have thrown you away
again "away" messes with flow, it makes it wierd

My life is so much better without you,
I am not trapped inside my self, anymore
I have refreshed myself, Im starting new,
I have opened a whole new world tonight
this part was ok, maybe you can find something to make a better flow.

Tonight starts my life,
Im givin' it all I've got
Livin' with no fear
No regrets, its a fresh start
No one will control me,
And no one will decieve
I'll live life to its fullest,
I'll live life being me
best part so far, i really liked the last for lines.


Once I was silenced in black and white,
But im coming into color once again, tonight
New meaning is bringing me back sane,
As I start my whole new life today
This was very good too

Tonight starts my life,
Im givin' it all I've got
Livin' with no fear
No regrets, its a fresh start
No one will control me,
And no one will decieve
I'lllive life to its fullest,
I'll live life being me
Being me


over all this is good, just some time's some words mess with the flow, thats the only thing, some parts are a lil clinche but thats ok. good job though and thnx for the crit.
#3
thanks, those two parts in the first two stanzas that you said throw it off, I guess you just dont look at it the same way I do....like in the first one the 'tossed' is the rhyme, and the away is an addition....well never mind I cant really explain it lol
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#4
I have been silenced in black and white,
And I am stuck inside these words tonight
but all the meaning of them's been lost,
just like my love songs, that you have tossed away
Like what Fallen_Misery said the away kind of ruins the flow

There is nothing between me and you,
It's over, its done, and its through
Now I am moving on alone,
And now I have thrown you away
Once again as Fallen Misery pointed out the away kind of throws it off but at the same time i like the use of repitition between the two verses

My life is so much better without you,
I am not trapped inside my self, anymore
I have refreshed myself, Im starting new,
I have opened a whole new world tonight
I like how you make it clear that the two of you are completely seperated but i dont like how the rhyme pattern got messed up

Tonight starts my life,
Im givin' it all I've got
Livin' with no fear
No regrets, its a fresh start
No one will control me,
And no one will decieve
I'll live life to its fullest,
I'll live life being me
I found this part flawless

Once I was silenced in black and white,
But im coming into color once again, tonight
New meaning is bringing me back sane,
As I start my whole new life today
I like how you used the whole "color" cliche`

Tonight starts my life,
Im givin' it all I've got
Livin' with no fear
No regrets, its a fresh start
No one will control me,
And no one will decieve
I'lllive life to its fullest,
I'll live life being me
Being me


All in all id probably give this a 9/10 very good
#5
awesome thanks for the crits...just one thing...umm im the one the wrote it, i think you were agreeing with 'thefoundationof'....but ya with those two parts I know how it throws it off, but in the way I sing it in my mind it makes it sound really good....I will try to find some songs that include what im trying to talk about, but thanks for the crits
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