#1
Oh my God I can't see
As i'm falling from the tree house,
With a bunch of memories
And a sea packed in pleasantries,
In a city full of ghosts
My heart lives on for you.

And with a fist full of roses
I crack to the floor,
With a thunderous roar
And pre-emptive applause,
In a city full of ghosts
My heart lives on for you.
#2
Oh my God I can't see

Good prize!

As i'm falling from the tree house,
With a bunch of memories


IMO the word "bunch" doesn't quite fit here. You could exchange it for, say, "mass", or "hoard." (I do mean "hoard," not "horde, though that would fit too.) I dunno.

And a sea packed in pleasantries,

This seems to have far too many syllables.

In a city full of ghosts
My heart lives on for you.

And with a fist full of roses
I crack to the floor,


The wording in this line seems sort of strange for some reason. Perhaps "I crack onto the floor" would fit a bit better, but I dunno, I might just be neurotic.

With a thunderous roar

Nice rhyme with "floor" here.

And pre-emptive applause,
In a city full of ghosts
My heart lives on for you.


A very nice read, I must say, and I can't find very many flaws with it. Concise and quite good. You can has cheezburger.
#7
It's not a bad piece you're working in the right direction but your word choices aren't great.

Falling

Bunch

Crack

Roar


They all lack a punch and anything to make them worthy of the role they play in the piece. Just spend a little more time working on finding words that work best in the piece.

As for the piece itself you capture a scene well enough but there's nothing to justify it, there's nothing directing the piece towards a subject, and there's nothing in the way of emotion either. It's a fresh-ish idea that takes on the form of a standard piece.
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.
#8
Pretty good piece. For the most part, I like the diction, and the rhyming scheme unifies it well. The line "in a city full of ghosts" is nice and vivid, but the line "my hearts lives on for you" seems somewhat cliche, so maybe edit that line into something a bit more refreshingly descriptive. Nonetheless, solid job.

Cit for crit?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=649752
#9
Quote by pigmaggots
Oh my God I can't see
Good opener
As i'm falling from the tree house,
With a bunch of memories
And a sea packed in pleasantries, Liked this line a lot
In a city full of ghosts
My heart lives on for you.
Good verse overall
And with a fist full of roses
I crack to the floor,
With a thunderous roar good imagery
And pre-emptive applause,
In a city full of ghosts
My heart lives on for you.
Good verse, and a good song overall. I loved it.

Good song, hope to see more like this.