#1
C4C

This is one that I wrote awhile ago. Someone on here was trying to come up with an idea for a song, and so I wrote this.

Waking up in the morning
Thinking about a friend
And the happiness he brings me
Those leaves of green

He's always there for anyone
Even if the skys are grey
You'll never see another color
Except his always green

(Chorus)
When the fall comes other fade
And turn red and brown
But my friend is green
Which he will remain to be

Those leaves of green
Will be there forever
No matter the season
Or the weather.

Chorus
#2
Waking up in the morning (first line not striking enough)
Thinking about a friend (dull)
And the happiness he brings me
Those leaves of green

He's always there for anyone
Even if the skys are grey
You'll never see another color
Except his always green
(this verse is fine)

(Chorus)
When the fall comes other fade
And turn red and brown
But my friend is green
Which he will remain to be
(i love the chorus)

Those leaves of green
Will be there forever
No matter the season
Or the weather.(seems like you got nothing to write that's why you wrote 'weather')
#3
I honestly don't remember how I came up with the last line. That was back around Christmas of last year.
#4
The beginning wasn't to strong, try expirimenting w/other song structures, maybe start w/ the chorus. Second verse sets up the chorus nice, its ok to stay. The Chorus is wonderful, keep it, i love how the first two lines make the end stand out. I disagree, and actually like the last line, rhymes nice, and keeps the overall tone of the song.

could you please crit mine?
www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=649619
Last edited by corrylb19 at Aug 14, 2007,