#1
This is my first post on the site so i thought id submit something of my own, let me know what you people think, id love some constructive criticism, the songs structure isnt too solid yet cause i havent had much time to work on it all but these are the lyrics.

Sad Man's Dirge

Did I disappoint you?
You hide your face in shame
It won’t get any better
Why do I carry all the blame?
The ridicule and hatred
Do you hear the sad man’s dirge?
A stricken song of mourning
The dead men lie as lame

It won’t get any better
I’m wrapped in the blood red stain
I know I disappoint you
I carried all your blame
I ridiculed and hated
wrote the song of mourning
And left the town aflame.

You know what I’ve become
a man who knows no end.
A loving man of hatred
whose pain’s are with his friends
To burn the faith away
Means to leave the love behind
A soul that burns forever
bleeds for all of time

This man claims to be my Jesus
I can hear him swear
A curse that rains down fire
My saviour sits with fear
To see such brave men cower
I know the devils here
He says I work for Satan
that I set the world aflame

Burnt down all the churches
And fornicate in gods name
It won’t get any better
I’m wrapped in the blood red stain
I know I disappoint you
I carried all your blame
I ridiculed and hated
wrote the song of mourning
And left the town aflame.
#2
Wow, I really like it, all except the second verse, it just seems to me like something's missing from it....I'd say just work on that second verse a little, overall, it's a really good poem, It does need a little better structure also, but that's about it. Good job. Crit mine if you will, it's called "A Dream Not True", it should be on the first page somewhere.
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